Sorry I've been down for a couple of days, the Boss has been working nights doing a lot of work from home during the day which requires the use of the laptop. Combine that with the fact that she hadn't been able to play her favorite games for a while and it seemed prudent to turn her laptop back over to her for a couple of days.
I did get some good stuff though.
Wednesday Bub, Reaggers, and Peff were playing "camp out". The Boss had worked a graveyard and was downstairs sleeping and I was putting Squizz down for a nap when I heard the three of them talking. It was pretty funny. They were pretending to toast smores over the heat vent in the living room and Peff told them he was going to tell them a "Ghost Story". So I put the baby down and grabbed a pen and started to scribble notes so I could retell it later. The conversation went like this:
Peff: "There were some barbies, and they all went to a camp out to ride some horses. But the horses were all hooked up to a carriage that was all black. They got into the carriage and it took them to this mountain, and then they all DIED!!!"
****Editors Note
Someone was watching closer than I thought when I tried to show them Darby O'Gill and the Little People on St. Patrick's day.
****
Reaggers: "Nu-uh. Barbies like horses."
Peff: OK, they were kidnapped by aliens and the aliens tried to kill them but the Barbies cut the aliens heads off and there were wires and stuff sticking out of them because they were robot aliens, and then they died. Now shut your pie-holes and eat some smores."
Reaggers: "Wait! The smores are burning! Get the flashlight!"
Peff(singing his own little campfire song):
"Roar! It's only me, telling a ghost story,
Not some scary 6th grader.
It's not real, just a ghost story,
It's not real, It's not scary.
It's just me....Roar!...hey look, there's a dinosaur!! Argghhh!"
Reaggers: "That's not a dinosaur, that's my lost puppy that ran away. He's been hiding in the woods, and he's going to save the barbies on the scooters from the aliens!"
Peff: "Feed him some smores."
Reaggers: "No. He ran away, he's a naughty dog."
Peff: "Fine. Dumb doggie. Get lost. We don't need you."
It was at this point that I realized that Bub was the "doggie" and he seemed more than a little upset that he would not be partaking of the alleged "Smores". At least he didn't try to pee on my floor.
I thought they showed some clever imagination (though not witout some overly violent themes...but hey, they are DESTROYING angels) and the more I read Peff's "Song" the more impressed I was with it. He did it off the top of his head and it's not really bad stuff for a kid who can't read yet. I especially like the A.D.D.-esque "Hey look, there's a dinosaur" ending.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Things That Are Fun To Do
Puzilla came home from school yesterday and gave me permission to tell her funny story. I think the lure of fame overcame her embarrassment of people laughing. I'm really glad because I wasn't going to break my promise but I really wanted to record this one.
We went to church on Sunday, and right after the meetings, our neighbor cornered the Boss. This neighbor is a very funny lady who loves to be a wise-cracker. Example: I have a large BYU decal on the back of my van. Her "Fatal Flaw" is that she likes the Utes.
****Editor's Note
Anyone who doesn't live around here needs to know that in Utah you are a Red Utah Ute or a Blue BYU Cougar and that's about it (I know Bircher Bunch; there are about twenty five or thirty Aggie fans, but even the Utah State guys choose sides for BYU-Utah). It is a bitter, mean spirited, ugly rivalry. Think Redsox-Yankees, but if they were forced to live in the same house. More along the lines of Celtic versus Rangers, but without the firebombs (at least so far).
****
This neighbor loves to stop by the house now and then, take the BYU magnet off the back of the van and bring it to the door. When I answer her knock, she tells me that some miserable teenage vandals have been defacing my auto with vulgar and obscene graffiti.
I told you; she's a real pip.
And as my wife so perfectly framed it, she and Puzilla are "matches and gasoline". Their goofy senses of humor are nearly identical. So on Sunday, the neighbor cornered the Boss and told her this classic.
"I was leading the music in Primary and we were singing 'Fun to Do'".
****Editor's Note
"Fun to Do" is a cute little song they sing in Primary now and then that is designed to get small children to focus their attention and have them ready to listen to that week's lesson. It's a fill in the blank song with an easy, catchy, tune. A child gets chosen to pick something they like to do and then all the kids sing, "________ is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do! _________ is fun to do, to do, to do, to do!"
Then another kid gets to pick something new and they sing it again with the new fill in the blank. They do this 4 or 5 times, and the kids will all be paying attention and sitting quietly in the hope that they'll get to pick the next thing that is fun to do. Then they can start the lesson.
****
The neighbor then tells the Boss that she was looking for someone to tell her what they like to do when Puzilla's hand shot up like a rocket. So she called on her and Puzey said "Drinking Pepto Bismol!"
****Editor's Note
Don't ask me, I'm just the Stay-at-home Dad. I have no idea where the H she came up with that one. I'm going to go with...she was raised by wolves.
****
The neighbor, being who she is, decided that this was absolutely perfect ( I warned you...Matches and Gasoline). So she led the entire primary (forty or so kids) in a rousing verse of "Drinking Pepto is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do, Drinking Pepto is fun to do, to do, to do, to do." I seriously doubt if any of them had any idea what Pepto is for, and only my little Puzey would think that drinking that chalky, peppermint goo for an upset stomach would actually be "Fun to do".
I guess that as soon as they were finished (don't ask me how the adults in there kept a straight face, there is simply no way they were not rolling on the floor), Puzey shot her hand into the air again.
Not wanting to miss any more gems, the neighbor called on her again. Puzey purportedly said...
"Um...I think I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing. It was supposed to be drinking Amoxicillin."
Apparently time (and the inability to stop laughing) did not allow for a second verse.
It's OK, sweetheart. I get you. It can be tough to keep all those delicious, pink medicines separate, can't it? It's probably for the best. "Drinking Amoxicillin is fun to do" just doesn't have the same pep (pardon the pun) as "Drinking Pepto is Fun to do".
The story is even better if you've had a chance to hear Puzey's faint, wispy voice tell it. She got a little embarrassed because she wasn't trying to be funny, but she sure as heck was.
****Editor's Note
The extra punch for this comes from the fact that my mother happens to be good friends with the nice woman who wrote "Fun to DO". How ironic. I'll bet nobody has ever hit the spirit of her message quite as well as Puzey. She's nothing if not one of a kind.
We went to church on Sunday, and right after the meetings, our neighbor cornered the Boss. This neighbor is a very funny lady who loves to be a wise-cracker. Example: I have a large BYU decal on the back of my van. Her "Fatal Flaw" is that she likes the Utes.
****Editor's Note
Anyone who doesn't live around here needs to know that in Utah you are a Red Utah Ute or a Blue BYU Cougar and that's about it (I know Bircher Bunch; there are about twenty five or thirty Aggie fans, but even the Utah State guys choose sides for BYU-Utah). It is a bitter, mean spirited, ugly rivalry. Think Redsox-Yankees, but if they were forced to live in the same house. More along the lines of Celtic versus Rangers, but without the firebombs (at least so far).
****
This neighbor loves to stop by the house now and then, take the BYU magnet off the back of the van and bring it to the door. When I answer her knock, she tells me that some miserable teenage vandals have been defacing my auto with vulgar and obscene graffiti.
I told you; she's a real pip.
And as my wife so perfectly framed it, she and Puzilla are "matches and gasoline". Their goofy senses of humor are nearly identical. So on Sunday, the neighbor cornered the Boss and told her this classic.
"I was leading the music in Primary and we were singing 'Fun to Do'".
****Editor's Note
"Fun to Do" is a cute little song they sing in Primary now and then that is designed to get small children to focus their attention and have them ready to listen to that week's lesson. It's a fill in the blank song with an easy, catchy, tune. A child gets chosen to pick something they like to do and then all the kids sing, "________ is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do! _________ is fun to do, to do, to do, to do!"
Then another kid gets to pick something new and they sing it again with the new fill in the blank. They do this 4 or 5 times, and the kids will all be paying attention and sitting quietly in the hope that they'll get to pick the next thing that is fun to do. Then they can start the lesson.
****
The neighbor then tells the Boss that she was looking for someone to tell her what they like to do when Puzilla's hand shot up like a rocket. So she called on her and Puzey said "Drinking Pepto Bismol!"
****Editor's Note
Don't ask me, I'm just the Stay-at-home Dad. I have no idea where the H she came up with that one. I'm going to go with...she was raised by wolves.
****
The neighbor, being who she is, decided that this was absolutely perfect ( I warned you...Matches and Gasoline). So she led the entire primary (forty or so kids) in a rousing verse of "Drinking Pepto is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do, Drinking Pepto is fun to do, to do, to do, to do." I seriously doubt if any of them had any idea what Pepto is for, and only my little Puzey would think that drinking that chalky, peppermint goo for an upset stomach would actually be "Fun to do".
I guess that as soon as they were finished (don't ask me how the adults in there kept a straight face, there is simply no way they were not rolling on the floor), Puzey shot her hand into the air again.
Not wanting to miss any more gems, the neighbor called on her again. Puzey purportedly said...
"Um...I think I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing. It was supposed to be drinking Amoxicillin."
Apparently time (and the inability to stop laughing) did not allow for a second verse.
It's OK, sweetheart. I get you. It can be tough to keep all those delicious, pink medicines separate, can't it? It's probably for the best. "Drinking Amoxicillin is fun to do" just doesn't have the same pep (pardon the pun) as "Drinking Pepto is Fun to do".
The story is even better if you've had a chance to hear Puzey's faint, wispy voice tell it. She got a little embarrassed because she wasn't trying to be funny, but she sure as heck was.
****Editor's Note
The extra punch for this comes from the fact that my mother happens to be good friends with the nice woman who wrote "Fun to DO". How ironic. I'll bet nobody has ever hit the spirit of her message quite as well as Puzey. She's nothing if not one of a kind.
Monday, March 29, 2010
A New Haiku By Haggis
"A Scene You'll Never See in a MouseHouse Film..."
As my Prince rides up
I realize he's not right
And so I shout..."Next"!!
The kid's a regular Wordsworth, ain't she?
Just a Stanza from her Old Man's "lyrical ballad".
She had her teacher laughing like crazy over it and got it read in front of the whole class.
As my Prince rides up
I realize he's not right
And so I shout..."Next"!!
The kid's a regular Wordsworth, ain't she?
Just a Stanza from her Old Man's "lyrical ballad".
She had her teacher laughing like crazy over it and got it read in front of the whole class.
Jesus and the Blond Man
I have a really funny story to tell that happened yesterday, but I have sworn not to post it until Puzilla gives me permission. It is highly entertaining, but when the Boss told me the story, the first words out of Puzilla's mouth were, "Dad, please don't post this on your blog!"
So I told her that I wouldn't, but since it is so hilarious and classic Puzilla/funny, I asked her to think about it and tell me when I can post it. In the mean time, I'll entertain you with a couple of similar moments from Destroying Angel Lore that are common knowledge in the family, but have yet to be recorded in Blog post form.
A few years ago, when Moe was 3 or 4, she had a series of terrific stories when she would come home from Primary (for the uninitiated, Primary is Mormon Sunday School for small children). Some we heard from her directly and others came from her teachers. Of those that came from the teachers, our favorite is this:
Primary teacher: "Your daughter Moe said something very funny today. We were talking about happy families and what they do for fun. I said that parents often go on dates together to have fun. Moe raised her hand and said 'My parents don't date, they hate each other.'"
Me: "Wow".
Boss: "Where'd she come up with that one?"
Teacher: "But you guys seem so...(Laugh)...happy...(snicker-giggle-chuckle)".
And from those that Moe told us herself we have:
"Ramona and the Paper Plates"
Me: "What did you learn today, Moe?"
Moe: "We learned about Ramona and the paper plates."
Me (Growing curious): "What's that one about?"
Moe: "There was this guy Ramona who burried some paper plates in the ground."
What she meant:
She was trying to retell the story of how the last Prophet to write on the Golden Plates (that would later be translated into the Book of Mormon)took the record that his father Mormon had abridged, and buried it for safe keeping. The Prophet's name was Moroni, not Ramona, and the plates were gold, not paper.
And lastly (for now) and my personal favorite (for obvious reasons)...
Boss: "So what did you learn about in Primary today, Moe?"
Moe: "There was this guy in the bible, and he was blond, and he went to Jesus and Jesus spit into the dirt and made some mud and rubbed it on the blond man's eyes, and then the Blond man could see and he was happy."
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't Jesus and the blind man?"
Moe: "No, Daddy. He was blond. But he couldn't see."
Me(thinking that it's time to start writing this stuff down). "Gotcha."
So I told her that I wouldn't, but since it is so hilarious and classic Puzilla/funny, I asked her to think about it and tell me when I can post it. In the mean time, I'll entertain you with a couple of similar moments from Destroying Angel Lore that are common knowledge in the family, but have yet to be recorded in Blog post form.
A few years ago, when Moe was 3 or 4, she had a series of terrific stories when she would come home from Primary (for the uninitiated, Primary is Mormon Sunday School for small children). Some we heard from her directly and others came from her teachers. Of those that came from the teachers, our favorite is this:
Primary teacher: "Your daughter Moe said something very funny today. We were talking about happy families and what they do for fun. I said that parents often go on dates together to have fun. Moe raised her hand and said 'My parents don't date, they hate each other.'"
Me: "Wow".
Boss: "Where'd she come up with that one?"
Teacher: "But you guys seem so...(Laugh)...happy...(snicker-giggle-chuckle)".
And from those that Moe told us herself we have:
"Ramona and the Paper Plates"
Me: "What did you learn today, Moe?"
Moe: "We learned about Ramona and the paper plates."
Me (Growing curious): "What's that one about?"
Moe: "There was this guy Ramona who burried some paper plates in the ground."
What she meant:
She was trying to retell the story of how the last Prophet to write on the Golden Plates (that would later be translated into the Book of Mormon)took the record that his father Mormon had abridged, and buried it for safe keeping. The Prophet's name was Moroni, not Ramona, and the plates were gold, not paper.
And lastly (for now) and my personal favorite (for obvious reasons)...
Boss: "So what did you learn about in Primary today, Moe?"
Moe: "There was this guy in the bible, and he was blond, and he went to Jesus and Jesus spit into the dirt and made some mud and rubbed it on the blond man's eyes, and then the Blond man could see and he was happy."
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't Jesus and the blind man?"
Moe: "No, Daddy. He was blond. But he couldn't see."
Me(thinking that it's time to start writing this stuff down). "Gotcha."
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Unforseen Events
While Squizzle was busy peeing on my leg, Kentucky was doing the same to my bracket. What a bunch of L7 weeeee-nieeeeees!
That was pathetic. I think the Wildcats were too busy ogling Ashley Judd on the Jumbotron to know they were down by a hundred and fifty with three minutes to go. Lord knows she's easier on the eyes than Kentucky's ridiculous shooting. What were they, 3 for 65 from three?
Haggis's junior high girl's team shot the rock better than that. I thought Ray Charles was dead. Who knew Stevie Wonder was coming off the bench for the Wildcats?
Don't laugh, Mountaineers. You were every bit as sorry. I think they hit a healthy 45% from the free throw line. Wow. Very impressive...if your name is Ted Williams and the .450 is your batting average. For a major college basketball team, it was the saddest thing I've seen since "Brian's Song".
It was like watching Helen Keller play HORSE with Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.
How bad was it?
Somebody hung a pinata from the scoreboard and they didn't bother with a blind fold. Nobody could hit that either. The candy is still safely tucked inside Spongebob's paper mache Squarepants.
It didn't get any better after the game. WVU climbed up the step ladder to cut down the nets, and they missed those too.
****Editor's Note
I thought for a moment about including a Bob Huggins DUI joke here, but decided that it would be in poor taste. And too easy a target. Some bulls eyes are so full of holes that you feel little or no satisfaction when hitting them.
****
The upshot of all this is that with Kentucky going "the way of the One Seed", Becket should have wrapped up his championship tonight (I wonder what he would have shot from three in that game. I'll bet even money it would be better than 4 for 37 or whatever UK was).
But an alert reader will not the "Should have" in that last sentence. I missed a possible contender this morning. Beckett's Mamma can still catch him under the following conditions. Duke has to beat Baylor, and then win it all. If that happens, I think she'll get him by 8 or 10. Otherwise, we'll all be quoting Marv from "Home Alone".
"I think we been scammed by a kindy-gartner."
Who wants to watch Uncle C console his wife or his son when somebody loses those red box rentals? If Beckett wins, ten nights of "Bob the Builder" might be in his future. I bet I know who he'll be cheering for tommorrow!
Have a good Sunday!.
That was pathetic. I think the Wildcats were too busy ogling Ashley Judd on the Jumbotron to know they were down by a hundred and fifty with three minutes to go. Lord knows she's easier on the eyes than Kentucky's ridiculous shooting. What were they, 3 for 65 from three?
Haggis's junior high girl's team shot the rock better than that. I thought Ray Charles was dead. Who knew Stevie Wonder was coming off the bench for the Wildcats?
Don't laugh, Mountaineers. You were every bit as sorry. I think they hit a healthy 45% from the free throw line. Wow. Very impressive...if your name is Ted Williams and the .450 is your batting average. For a major college basketball team, it was the saddest thing I've seen since "Brian's Song".
It was like watching Helen Keller play HORSE with Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.
How bad was it?
Somebody hung a pinata from the scoreboard and they didn't bother with a blind fold. Nobody could hit that either. The candy is still safely tucked inside Spongebob's paper mache Squarepants.
It didn't get any better after the game. WVU climbed up the step ladder to cut down the nets, and they missed those too.
****Editor's Note
I thought for a moment about including a Bob Huggins DUI joke here, but decided that it would be in poor taste. And too easy a target. Some bulls eyes are so full of holes that you feel little or no satisfaction when hitting them.
****
The upshot of all this is that with Kentucky going "the way of the One Seed", Becket should have wrapped up his championship tonight (I wonder what he would have shot from three in that game. I'll bet even money it would be better than 4 for 37 or whatever UK was).
But an alert reader will not the "Should have" in that last sentence. I missed a possible contender this morning. Beckett's Mamma can still catch him under the following conditions. Duke has to beat Baylor, and then win it all. If that happens, I think she'll get him by 8 or 10. Otherwise, we'll all be quoting Marv from "Home Alone".
"I think we been scammed by a kindy-gartner."
Who wants to watch Uncle C console his wife or his son when somebody loses those red box rentals? If Beckett wins, ten nights of "Bob the Builder" might be in his future. I bet I know who he'll be cheering for tommorrow!
Have a good Sunday!.
Gee Whizz
Now, I don't claim to have the experience of say, my mother or mother-in-law; but I think with five kids, I have earned my Captain's bars. There are a whole lot of bizarre, strange, disgusting, hilarious or whacked out experiences to which I can say "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" (you have been reading this blog, yes?).
But this is a new one, even for me.
I got done playing with the brackets this morning and indulged myself in a moment or two of Solitaire.
****Editor's Note
I continue to notice that most, if not all, of my disaster stories begin with me finally getting a chance to take thirty seconds for myself. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wonder what the message is, and who it is that's sending it?
****
I got up to fix chili dogs for lunch, and as I grabbed the pot from the cabinet, I saw the small form of Squizzle come toddling into the kitchen. I turned to the sink to fill the pot with water when I felt something splash my bare foot. I looked down and saw Squizz had toddled up to me and was giggling.
I thought he had slobbered on me, but there was WAY too much splashing to be slobber. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the boy had removed his diaper and was now PEEING ON MY BARE FREAKING FOOT!!!
Remember, I'm blind as a bat, so all I had seen was the boy's silhouette. Not noticing his diaper was gone might be a "Master of the Obvious" circumstance for most of you, but for me, it was improbable at best.
But not as improbable as my one year old son taking off his diaper, locating me, getting over to me, deciding at that moment that he had to go; then aiming, firing and hitting a moving target. Are you kidding me?
The odds...I can't even calculate.
Does that end things? Heck no. After Haggis stopped laughing at me, my father-in-law walked through the door and at the same instant, my sister-in-law called to ask what she should get Squizzle for a belated birthday present.
"A coffin" I said. "I'm gonna kill him."
"I was thinking something more along the lines of pants. What size does he wear?" She asked.
By this point I'm flustered beyond my usual madness. I couldn't have told you what size my own pants were by then.
"Hang on a second" I told her. "Haggis, what size are Squizz's pants?"
"Um...dad? He's not wearing any pants."
"Well no freaking duh! If he was wearing pants right now, I wouldn't be mopping baby pee out of my flip-flop, would I? I meant, when the boy DOES wear pants, what size are they?"
My sister-in-law and her Father both seemed to think something about this was amusing, because all I heard from them was laughter.
"He peed on you?"
"Yeah. Long story. Check the blog. It'll be up in half an hour."
Since then, he has removed his diaper again, tried to do it a third time, and then attempted to swallow a nickle.
Check EBay. The bidding starts at two bits.
Ahhh...The life of a stay-at-home Dad. I should have become a stay-in-Cozumel Dad.
I'll tell you one thing though. If the boy can hit me, he can hit the potty. This daddy just bought his last package of diapers!
But this is a new one, even for me.
I got done playing with the brackets this morning and indulged myself in a moment or two of Solitaire.
****Editor's Note
I continue to notice that most, if not all, of my disaster stories begin with me finally getting a chance to take thirty seconds for myself. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wonder what the message is, and who it is that's sending it?
****
I got up to fix chili dogs for lunch, and as I grabbed the pot from the cabinet, I saw the small form of Squizzle come toddling into the kitchen. I turned to the sink to fill the pot with water when I felt something splash my bare foot. I looked down and saw Squizz had toddled up to me and was giggling.
I thought he had slobbered on me, but there was WAY too much splashing to be slobber. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the boy had removed his diaper and was now PEEING ON MY BARE FREAKING FOOT!!!
Remember, I'm blind as a bat, so all I had seen was the boy's silhouette. Not noticing his diaper was gone might be a "Master of the Obvious" circumstance for most of you, but for me, it was improbable at best.
But not as improbable as my one year old son taking off his diaper, locating me, getting over to me, deciding at that moment that he had to go; then aiming, firing and hitting a moving target. Are you kidding me?
The odds...I can't even calculate.
Does that end things? Heck no. After Haggis stopped laughing at me, my father-in-law walked through the door and at the same instant, my sister-in-law called to ask what she should get Squizzle for a belated birthday present.
"A coffin" I said. "I'm gonna kill him."
"I was thinking something more along the lines of pants. What size does he wear?" She asked.
By this point I'm flustered beyond my usual madness. I couldn't have told you what size my own pants were by then.
"Hang on a second" I told her. "Haggis, what size are Squizz's pants?"
"Um...dad? He's not wearing any pants."
"Well no freaking duh! If he was wearing pants right now, I wouldn't be mopping baby pee out of my flip-flop, would I? I meant, when the boy DOES wear pants, what size are they?"
My sister-in-law and her Father both seemed to think something about this was amusing, because all I heard from them was laughter.
"He peed on you?"
"Yeah. Long story. Check the blog. It'll be up in half an hour."
Since then, he has removed his diaper again, tried to do it a third time, and then attempted to swallow a nickle.
Check EBay. The bidding starts at two bits.
Ahhh...The life of a stay-at-home Dad. I should have become a stay-in-Cozumel Dad.
I'll tell you one thing though. If the boy can hit me, he can hit the potty. This daddy just bought his last package of diapers!
It All Comes Down to This
Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 186 34 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 167 35 231 39 Kentucky (110)
3 Moe 158 37 190 40 BYU (32)
4 Jason Anderson 152 36 232 41 Kentucky (142)
5 Brian Beebe 151 31 175 33 Ohio St. (173)
6 Dawnell Moon (1) 146 36 210 40 Duke (168)
7 Anne Taylor 145 34 177 37 Syracuse (109)
8 Jil Bircher (3) 144 32 176 35 Kansas (97)
9 Mandy Kelly 142 31 166 33 Syracuse (146)
10 Corbin Taylor 138 34 170 37 Kansas (134)
11 Squizzles 137 34 169 37 Kansas (100)
12 Jen Clark 135 31 143 32 Kansas (165)
12 Kevin Kelly (2) 135 33 167 36 BYU (130)
14 Jil Bircher (2) 130 30 186 33 Duke (77)
15 The Boss 129 30 185 33 Kentucky (122)
16 Kevin Kelly (1) 128 30 160 33 Kansas (152)
17 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 122 30 178 33 Kentucky (165)
19 Jess Clark 120 28 120 28 Kansas (150)
20 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
21 Mike Kelly 116 29 116 29 Syracuse (164)
21 Peff 116 19 116 19 BYU (37)
23 Haggis 115 25 171 28 Kentucky (130)
24 Hollie Downs 114 29 146 32 Syracuse (133)
25 tim kelly 103 26 103 26 Syracuse (135)
Jason needs Kansas State to win to the finals and for Duke lose their next game. If Kentucky beats K-state to win it all, he can pass me and Beckett for the win.
If Kentucky wins it all and Duke beats Baylor, I'll win.
Beckett is cheering for: West Virginia, Baylor and Butler this round and Baylor in the Final Four and Championship. If West Virginia wins today, no one can catch him.
So it all comes down to this. If you want Beckett to win, cheer for West Virginia. If not them, cheer for Baylor and Butler to keep winning. If you want Jason to win, Cheer for K State and Kentucky, and in the unlikely event you are cheering for me, you want Duke and Kentucky(EEEEEWWWWWW!).
Moe, Brian Beebe and a few others can still move up or down in the rankings, but are mathematically eliminated from winning it all.
A three pony race. I gotta say, in order to maintain my hard earned rep for knowing something about sports, I hope I can beat my three year old nephew. From a "fan" perspective, I hope Beckett runs away with it. I am tired of the same five or six teams winning year after year after year. Duke and Kentucky and Michigan State can all go suck eggs for what I care.
Cry big tears for them and their "Bluebloods" mentality. I'd like to see them join Arizona, UCLA, North Carolina, and UCONN in the NIT next year (Of course with Caliparri at UK, there's a good chance that they won't be allowed to participate in ANY tournament due to sanctions and recruiting violations anyway).
I'm pretty lukewarm on Tennessee and Kansas State because they win a lot in other sports and are BCS. I despise West Virginia for the same reasons but with added hatred for their scuzzbag coach; Bob Huggins. While Baylor is usually pretty bad and would otherwise have my sympathy; they still belong to a BCS conference so I can't cheer for them, either.
That leaves Butler.
So for my bracket's sake, I say "Go Kentucky"
From my gut (which is bigger than my bracket), "Go Bulldogs!"
PS...
Win or lose, I have one question for my sister in law. Where do you keep Beckett's broomstick and pointy hat when he isn't picking tournament games? That kid is a straight up witch!
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 186 34 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 167 35 231 39 Kentucky (110)
3 Moe 158 37 190 40 BYU (32)
4 Jason Anderson 152 36 232 41 Kentucky (142)
5 Brian Beebe 151 31 175 33 Ohio St. (173)
6 Dawnell Moon (1) 146 36 210 40 Duke (168)
7 Anne Taylor 145 34 177 37 Syracuse (109)
8 Jil Bircher (3) 144 32 176 35 Kansas (97)
9 Mandy Kelly 142 31 166 33 Syracuse (146)
10 Corbin Taylor 138 34 170 37 Kansas (134)
11 Squizzles 137 34 169 37 Kansas (100)
12 Jen Clark 135 31 143 32 Kansas (165)
12 Kevin Kelly (2) 135 33 167 36 BYU (130)
14 Jil Bircher (2) 130 30 186 33 Duke (77)
15 The Boss 129 30 185 33 Kentucky (122)
16 Kevin Kelly (1) 128 30 160 33 Kansas (152)
17 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 122 30 178 33 Kentucky (165)
19 Jess Clark 120 28 120 28 Kansas (150)
20 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
21 Mike Kelly 116 29 116 29 Syracuse (164)
21 Peff 116 19 116 19 BYU (37)
23 Haggis 115 25 171 28 Kentucky (130)
24 Hollie Downs 114 29 146 32 Syracuse (133)
25 tim kelly 103 26 103 26 Syracuse (135)
Jason needs Kansas State to win to the finals and for Duke lose their next game. If Kentucky beats K-state to win it all, he can pass me and Beckett for the win.
If Kentucky wins it all and Duke beats Baylor, I'll win.
Beckett is cheering for: West Virginia, Baylor and Butler this round and Baylor in the Final Four and Championship. If West Virginia wins today, no one can catch him.
So it all comes down to this. If you want Beckett to win, cheer for West Virginia. If not them, cheer for Baylor and Butler to keep winning. If you want Jason to win, Cheer for K State and Kentucky, and in the unlikely event you are cheering for me, you want Duke and Kentucky(EEEEEWWWWWW!).
Moe, Brian Beebe and a few others can still move up or down in the rankings, but are mathematically eliminated from winning it all.
A three pony race. I gotta say, in order to maintain my hard earned rep for knowing something about sports, I hope I can beat my three year old nephew. From a "fan" perspective, I hope Beckett runs away with it. I am tired of the same five or six teams winning year after year after year. Duke and Kentucky and Michigan State can all go suck eggs for what I care.
Cry big tears for them and their "Bluebloods" mentality. I'd like to see them join Arizona, UCLA, North Carolina, and UCONN in the NIT next year (Of course with Caliparri at UK, there's a good chance that they won't be allowed to participate in ANY tournament due to sanctions and recruiting violations anyway).
I'm pretty lukewarm on Tennessee and Kansas State because they win a lot in other sports and are BCS. I despise West Virginia for the same reasons but with added hatred for their scuzzbag coach; Bob Huggins. While Baylor is usually pretty bad and would otherwise have my sympathy; they still belong to a BCS conference so I can't cheer for them, either.
That leaves Butler.
So for my bracket's sake, I say "Go Kentucky"
From my gut (which is bigger than my bracket), "Go Bulldogs!"
PS...
Win or lose, I have one question for my sister in law. Where do you keep Beckett's broomstick and pointy hat when he isn't picking tournament games? That kid is a straight up witch!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Babysitter Bank Robbers.
I'm glad it's raining outside today. It discourages pedestrian traffic past my house. And that's probably for the best this morning. Someone out for an early morning spring stroll might misunderstand the voices floating out of my windows and call the cops. What I mean is, what would you do if you were walking around and heard someone yell...
"Sit down and shut up! The next person to talk is going to get hurt! Nobody moves or else!"
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
The girls are off school today. The Boss and Beak both had to work. Beak dropped Reaggers and Bub off at the usual time and I told her, "I'm turning them over to Haggis and Moe and going back to bed."
Twenty minutes later, I hear the beginnings of a strong arm robbery going on upstairs. Moe has a ridiculously awesome tone of command (where the H-fire did she get that from?) and a natural ability to get kids her age and younger to do what she wants. And Haggis is taking drama at school, so her work with voice projection seems to be paying off.
Now don't worry if you've hired Haggis to babysit your children in the past, she wasn't really threatening anyone with death (this time, haha). They were playing a game. The little kids were laughing their butts off and having a grand time trying to sneak off the couch when one of the girls would look away from them. It was pretty funny; I just wouldn't have wanted someone to overhear and get the wrong idea. I'm sure that none of the neighbors have ever heard screams from our house before and would have been shocked at the blood-curdlers issuing from it this morning.
****Editors Note
Have I told the story how after the BYU Oklahoma football game last year I went out on to the porch to let out a war whoop and scared the crap out of my neighbor who was sitting on her porch swing enjoying a late summer evening? I was pretty hyped up and used my very best "Coach voice" and caused her to jump about fifteen feet in the air. You can still see the scratches on the raingutter from her fingernails. I laugh every time I think about it.
****
My family is a lot of things. Quiet ain't one of 'em. And I like it that way.
"Sit down and shut up! The next person to talk is going to get hurt! Nobody moves or else!"
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
The girls are off school today. The Boss and Beak both had to work. Beak dropped Reaggers and Bub off at the usual time and I told her, "I'm turning them over to Haggis and Moe and going back to bed."
Twenty minutes later, I hear the beginnings of a strong arm robbery going on upstairs. Moe has a ridiculously awesome tone of command (where the H-fire did she get that from?) and a natural ability to get kids her age and younger to do what she wants. And Haggis is taking drama at school, so her work with voice projection seems to be paying off.
Now don't worry if you've hired Haggis to babysit your children in the past, she wasn't really threatening anyone with death (this time, haha). They were playing a game. The little kids were laughing their butts off and having a grand time trying to sneak off the couch when one of the girls would look away from them. It was pretty funny; I just wouldn't have wanted someone to overhear and get the wrong idea. I'm sure that none of the neighbors have ever heard screams from our house before and would have been shocked at the blood-curdlers issuing from it this morning.
****Editors Note
Have I told the story how after the BYU Oklahoma football game last year I went out on to the porch to let out a war whoop and scared the crap out of my neighbor who was sitting on her porch swing enjoying a late summer evening? I was pretty hyped up and used my very best "Coach voice" and caused her to jump about fifteen feet in the air. You can still see the scratches on the raingutter from her fingernails. I laugh every time I think about it.
****
My family is a lot of things. Quiet ain't one of 'em. And I like it that way.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Old Man Is At It Again...
Sorry. I can't help it. I get stagnant and bored very easy. If you don't like the new version of the blog, all I can say is...Hang on for a week or two and I'll get bored again. It probably has something to do with me not posting anything yesterday and feeling guilty about not having anything new for the four or five of you who check daily.
I was having another one of those "Blah" days where I just need to change the routine. So none of us got out of our pajamas before Uncle C came to get his kids at 1:30. We watched Barbie Thumbelina. There's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that's a shame because of could have put those hours toward something fun or productive or...nevermind. I'm not really out that much.
I need to get out of the house.
The Boss has managed to pull of a couple of winners with the girls this week. She let Haggis go down to Walmart at midnight to get a copy of "New Moon". I'm not sure why; we told her that she wasn't going to get to watch it until we had seen it first, so there was no way she was going to be viewing it for at least a day and a half. Might as well have waited for the next afternoon. I guess she just wanted to go to the party.
Whatever. It made her happy and got her to help around the house with less grumbling than usual.
As for me, teenage vampire movies hold all the interest of waiting for sunburns to peel. Twilight was wholly panned by most of the folks I was in school with. I myself only read the first one (I had to before I'd let Haggis read it; the Boss read the rest of them) and it wasn't really my thing.
Most of the pseudo-critics at school thought it was formulaic, cliched, and overly simplistic. They're probably right. But my bit of contention with them was that you still have to give Meyer a TON of credit.
First, not one of them (including me) would stop at anything short of sacrificing their sainted mothers to the ghost of the Venerable Bede in order to get published at all; let alone sell umpteen million copies. If we thought it would sell, we'd write a thousand pages of nothing BUT cliches, just to get our picture and a bio on a dust jacket. It's true.
Second, you can say what you want about her style, Meyer never forgot the first rule of good writing.
"KNOW THY AUDIENCE!"
While I cannot speak for her, I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer could care less about what a bunch of pretentious, arrogant, twenty year old Harold Bloom wannabees have to say. In fact, she needs an accountant to keep track of all the reasons she doesn't care. She wasn't writing for them. She never intended to replace the Bard or Dickens or even JK Rowling. She was aiming her story at little girls, age 12 to 16 (and occasionally their mothers). And darn me if she wasn't dead center of the bulls eye. Kudos. I bow to her success.
No, I don't care for Twilight for the same reason I don't care for Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. To much angst and hand-wringing and desperate cries for "romance" (whatever the hell that is). I don't say that it is trash or useless. I recognize the audience. It just isn't me.
I'd rather stick to what I like. It would be foolish of me to expect everyone to like Joyce and Yeats as much as I do, but I would certainly put up my dukes if someone were to dismiss it as casually as people do the Twilight books.
But like I said, It made Haggis happy.
Then yesterday, the Boss found out that Brandon Mull, the author of the Fablehaven books was in town for the release of the finale of that series. Now these I haven't yet read (I'm still trying to polish off Percy Jackson and the Olympians), but Moe's teacher read the first one to her class and she has been hooked ever since. Every day she'd come home from school and rehash the day's events to the Boss and I. She poured over every one of them and gushed on and on about how great they were.
So the Boss got off work and hauled Moe down to Deseret Book where Mull was doing a book signing. They got there just in the nick of time, and though they were among the very last in line, Moe got a personalized signing of the last book and a picture with the author. She was thrilled beyond belief and already to chapter three by the time she and the Boss got back home.
Pretty cool if you ask me. Well, Uncle C just got here to pick up Reaggers for school. Better go for now.
I was having another one of those "Blah" days where I just need to change the routine. So none of us got out of our pajamas before Uncle C came to get his kids at 1:30. We watched Barbie Thumbelina. There's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that's a shame because of could have put those hours toward something fun or productive or...nevermind. I'm not really out that much.
I need to get out of the house.
The Boss has managed to pull of a couple of winners with the girls this week. She let Haggis go down to Walmart at midnight to get a copy of "New Moon". I'm not sure why; we told her that she wasn't going to get to watch it until we had seen it first, so there was no way she was going to be viewing it for at least a day and a half. Might as well have waited for the next afternoon. I guess she just wanted to go to the party.
Whatever. It made her happy and got her to help around the house with less grumbling than usual.
As for me, teenage vampire movies hold all the interest of waiting for sunburns to peel. Twilight was wholly panned by most of the folks I was in school with. I myself only read the first one (I had to before I'd let Haggis read it; the Boss read the rest of them) and it wasn't really my thing.
Most of the pseudo-critics at school thought it was formulaic, cliched, and overly simplistic. They're probably right. But my bit of contention with them was that you still have to give Meyer a TON of credit.
First, not one of them (including me) would stop at anything short of sacrificing their sainted mothers to the ghost of the Venerable Bede in order to get published at all; let alone sell umpteen million copies. If we thought it would sell, we'd write a thousand pages of nothing BUT cliches, just to get our picture and a bio on a dust jacket. It's true.
Second, you can say what you want about her style, Meyer never forgot the first rule of good writing.
"KNOW THY AUDIENCE!"
While I cannot speak for her, I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer could care less about what a bunch of pretentious, arrogant, twenty year old Harold Bloom wannabees have to say. In fact, she needs an accountant to keep track of all the reasons she doesn't care. She wasn't writing for them. She never intended to replace the Bard or Dickens or even JK Rowling. She was aiming her story at little girls, age 12 to 16 (and occasionally their mothers). And darn me if she wasn't dead center of the bulls eye. Kudos. I bow to her success.
No, I don't care for Twilight for the same reason I don't care for Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. To much angst and hand-wringing and desperate cries for "romance" (whatever the hell that is). I don't say that it is trash or useless. I recognize the audience. It just isn't me.
I'd rather stick to what I like. It would be foolish of me to expect everyone to like Joyce and Yeats as much as I do, but I would certainly put up my dukes if someone were to dismiss it as casually as people do the Twilight books.
But like I said, It made Haggis happy.
Then yesterday, the Boss found out that Brandon Mull, the author of the Fablehaven books was in town for the release of the finale of that series. Now these I haven't yet read (I'm still trying to polish off Percy Jackson and the Olympians), but Moe's teacher read the first one to her class and she has been hooked ever since. Every day she'd come home from school and rehash the day's events to the Boss and I. She poured over every one of them and gushed on and on about how great they were.
So the Boss got off work and hauled Moe down to Deseret Book where Mull was doing a book signing. They got there just in the nick of time, and though they were among the very last in line, Moe got a personalized signing of the last book and a picture with the author. She was thrilled beyond belief and already to chapter three by the time she and the Boss got back home.
Pretty cool if you ask me. Well, Uncle C just got here to pick up Reaggers for school. Better go for now.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Mr Squizzle's Wild Ride
Sorry I'm later than usual today. Beak brought Veggie Tales over for the Runts to watch. So they did. A hundred and thirty three times in a row. I swear if I hear one more bar of "Oh, where is my hairbrush" someone is going to lose some eyebrows while they sleep.
I have often wondered if the people in charge of writing children's programming are aware of the brain damage they are causing the innocent bystander adults who are unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast zone of their inane drivel.
If they are (and I think they must be) then these are the sick people I want in charge of Guantanamo Bay. Put 'em in charge of interrogations and Intel gathering. Twenty minutes of this stuff broadcast in the right village would have citizens turning over Al Qaida in droves.
"Here they are!! Down in the basement. There's some more in those bushes over there, and that cave is Osama Bin Laden's Summer house. He's usually home on Tuesday afternoons. Take him down, boys! Just turn that crap off! We're losing IQ points by the second. We'll testify wherever you want; just turn off Wonder Pets...Please, water board us instead!!"
They also had a grand time playing "bunny hunter" on the Wii; which meant I spent the morning with my referee shirt on. Video games absolutely drive violent behavior. Not the content, but rather the endless "My turn...No, my turn" fights. It's not like there's not two controllers. Sheesh! Cats and dogs get along better. I should find some way to capitalize on it. Do you think that child welfare services would frown on me posting videos of four year olds involved in "No Holds Barred" cage matches? Yeah, probably not a good idea. Oh, well.
And Mr Squizzle has been on a wild ride this weekend. I have mentioned that his mobility and motor skills have been improving at an alarming rate, and his ability to get into stuff he shouldn't be is getting ridiculous. His latest trick is opening kitchen cabinets and drawers and emptying them onto the floor.
He has also: Stolen the TV remote and hid it.
Absconded with Daddy's drink and then marked it for his own with just the right amount of backwash.
Used his stroller as a bulldozer to knock over anything or anyone that was in his way. My shins will be bruised for a while, I think.
Used a chocolate cupcake and an Oreo for a facial peel to give his face that "just been dumpster diving" glow. That filling is mostly just Crisco, you know. Mmm...Delicious fat...
I managed to snap a few picks for posterity and future blackmail attempts. Enjoy them. The kid is a real pip.
Lastly, I'll post the results from Sunday's Bracket Challenge, but I don't want to analyze it anymore. Too depressing. One more three year old has found still another way to shame me. I talked to a few of my friends at church yesterday, and we agree. It's a beat down of historic proportions. Couldn't catch that kid with a butterfly net.
If I were his parents, I'd watch the boy close to make sure that he's not talking to his thumb named "Tony". And make darn sure that he doesn't have a troop of leprechauns hiding out in his room. Sooner or later the little people will stop giving him winners and start telling him to burn things.
Believe me, I've seen it happen.
Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 166 29 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 151 31 243 41 Kentucky (110)
3 Brian Beebe 139 28 247 39 Ohio St. (173)
4 Moe 138 32 194 41 BYU (32)
5 Jason Anderson 136 32 252 45 Kentucky (142)
6 Anne Taylor 133 31 249 43 Syracuse (109)
7 Jen Clark 131 30 159 35 Kansas (165)
8 Mandy Kelly 130 28 226 37 Syracuse (146)
9 Jil Bircher (3) 128 28 188 37 Kansas (97)
10 Dawnell Moon (1) 126 31 222 42 Duke (168)
11 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
11 Kevin Kelly (2) 123 30 171 37 BYU (130)
13 Corbin Taylor 122 30 186 40 Kansas (134)
14 Squizzles 121 30 185 40 Kansas (100)
15 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
16 Jil Bircher (2) 118 27 198 35 Duke (77)
16 Kevin Kelly (3) 118 29 198 37 Kentucky (165)
18 The Boss 117 27 197 35 Kentucky (122)
19 Kevin Kelly (1) 116 27 172 35 Kansas (152)
19 Peff 116 19 124 21 BYU (37)
21 Jess Clark 112 26 132 30 Kansas (150)
22 Mike Kelly 108 27 180 34 Syracuse (164)
23 Haggis 107 23 183 30 Kentucky (130)
24 tim kelly 99 25 163 30 Syracuse (135)
25 Hollie Downs 98 25 206 36 Syracuse (133)
I have often wondered if the people in charge of writing children's programming are aware of the brain damage they are causing the innocent bystander adults who are unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast zone of their inane drivel.
If they are (and I think they must be) then these are the sick people I want in charge of Guantanamo Bay. Put 'em in charge of interrogations and Intel gathering. Twenty minutes of this stuff broadcast in the right village would have citizens turning over Al Qaida in droves.
"Here they are!! Down in the basement. There's some more in those bushes over there, and that cave is Osama Bin Laden's Summer house. He's usually home on Tuesday afternoons. Take him down, boys! Just turn that crap off! We're losing IQ points by the second. We'll testify wherever you want; just turn off Wonder Pets...Please, water board us instead!!"
They also had a grand time playing "bunny hunter" on the Wii; which meant I spent the morning with my referee shirt on. Video games absolutely drive violent behavior. Not the content, but rather the endless "My turn...No, my turn" fights. It's not like there's not two controllers. Sheesh! Cats and dogs get along better. I should find some way to capitalize on it. Do you think that child welfare services would frown on me posting videos of four year olds involved in "No Holds Barred" cage matches? Yeah, probably not a good idea. Oh, well.
And Mr Squizzle has been on a wild ride this weekend. I have mentioned that his mobility and motor skills have been improving at an alarming rate, and his ability to get into stuff he shouldn't be is getting ridiculous. His latest trick is opening kitchen cabinets and drawers and emptying them onto the floor.
He has also: Stolen the TV remote and hid it.
Absconded with Daddy's drink and then marked it for his own with just the right amount of backwash.
Used his stroller as a bulldozer to knock over anything or anyone that was in his way. My shins will be bruised for a while, I think.
Used a chocolate cupcake and an Oreo for a facial peel to give his face that "just been dumpster diving" glow. That filling is mostly just Crisco, you know. Mmm...Delicious fat...
I managed to snap a few picks for posterity and future blackmail attempts. Enjoy them. The kid is a real pip.
Lastly, I'll post the results from Sunday's Bracket Challenge, but I don't want to analyze it anymore. Too depressing. One more three year old has found still another way to shame me. I talked to a few of my friends at church yesterday, and we agree. It's a beat down of historic proportions. Couldn't catch that kid with a butterfly net.
If I were his parents, I'd watch the boy close to make sure that he's not talking to his thumb named "Tony". And make darn sure that he doesn't have a troop of leprechauns hiding out in his room. Sooner or later the little people will stop giving him winners and start telling him to burn things.
Believe me, I've seen it happen.
Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 166 29 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 151 31 243 41 Kentucky (110)
3 Brian Beebe 139 28 247 39 Ohio St. (173)
4 Moe 138 32 194 41 BYU (32)
5 Jason Anderson 136 32 252 45 Kentucky (142)
6 Anne Taylor 133 31 249 43 Syracuse (109)
7 Jen Clark 131 30 159 35 Kansas (165)
8 Mandy Kelly 130 28 226 37 Syracuse (146)
9 Jil Bircher (3) 128 28 188 37 Kansas (97)
10 Dawnell Moon (1) 126 31 222 42 Duke (168)
11 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
11 Kevin Kelly (2) 123 30 171 37 BYU (130)
13 Corbin Taylor 122 30 186 40 Kansas (134)
14 Squizzles 121 30 185 40 Kansas (100)
15 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
16 Jil Bircher (2) 118 27 198 35 Duke (77)
16 Kevin Kelly (3) 118 29 198 37 Kentucky (165)
18 The Boss 117 27 197 35 Kentucky (122)
19 Kevin Kelly (1) 116 27 172 35 Kansas (152)
19 Peff 116 19 124 21 BYU (37)
21 Jess Clark 112 26 132 30 Kansas (150)
22 Mike Kelly 108 27 180 34 Syracuse (164)
23 Haggis 107 23 183 30 Kentucky (130)
24 tim kelly 99 25 163 30 Syracuse (135)
25 Hollie Downs 98 25 206 36 Syracuse (133)
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