A Bonus Funny for Night Owls and Early Risers

I think it was the great comic Bill Engvall who once said something to the effect of "there is no alarm clock like the sound of baby barf."

I would like to bear my testimony that I know that this is true. We all know where this is going, right?

The Boss and I had finally gotten all the kids down, and were watching the Tivo of the magnificently funny Big Bang Theory. Suddenly, from the back of the living room, we heard a faint sound like the coo of a dove.

Sadly; it was not Cindy Lou Who.

Unless she had been infected with piggy flu or been on a three day bender in Vegas. And it wasn't so much of a coo as a "Cough... gag... eerp...Splat."

I was off the couch faster than the Vikings putting away the Cowboys on Sunday (sorry about that Uncle J...NOT!!). I picked up a puking Puzilla and ran her into the kitchen while the Boss shouted encouragement from her seat under the baby on the couch.

I managed to get Puzilla half way across the linoleum when I heard another cough and felt her skinny ribs start to clench.

"Wait, Wait!...get to the sink first...."

I may as well have spoken in Mandarin.

"Bluaghh!....Splat!" came the waif's reply.

"Aw,Crap!" I mumbled, and the Boss started to laugh.

"I heard that!" she said. "That sounded messy. I take it she didn't make it to the sink?"

Um, No.

After a few more minutes of returning more food than I thought she was capable of eating, my tiny, pale, frail Puzilla looked up at me with her great big eyes and whispered, "That was NOT fun."

I don't suppose it was.

The Boss took her down and put her in the shower while I went about detoxifying the kitchen and living room floors. The things we do as parents!

After the floor was clean, I went down to check on my girls. I knocked on the door and heard the Boss say, "We're just getting dried off." Then I heard a tiny sneeze. Then the Boss laughing and saying, "OK, back into the shower!"

She poked her head out the door and said in a perfect dead-pan, "I guess blowing her nose three times didn't quite get the job done."

I gave her a moment and then asked Puzilla how she was feeling. "Better", she said.

"Good. Do you mind if I turn you into a post for tonight?"

"Sure", she said with a trademarked Puzilla grin back on her face.

I decided I may as well type it now. Nobody goes back to sleep after the Barf Alarm goes off.

Post Script:
Apparently we only hit the snooze button on the barf alarm, but when it goes it off it doesn't turn the radio on. It turns on a tiny little girl's voice that cries "Oh no! Not again!" and runs to the garbage.

This is going to be a long night.