Where's that FedEx Envelope?

I am pretty sure that I'm going to Hell.

That's a bold statement, I know. But I just fed four children under the age of five Ice Cream for lunch. If that doesn't earn me Damnation, nothing will.

It's not the first time my sense of what to eat and when has been called into question. Early on in the blog, I wrote a post called "Bill Cosby is a Liar". That day, I had fed the kids chocolate cake for breakfast. They sang me no praises, and did not dance in my honor. They just got really hungry again, really quickly.

I started today with good intentions. There was no cake for breakfast, just bowls of cereal. Squizzle started screaming at about 9:00 which meant he needed an early nap, but didn't want one. While I was fighting him, the other kids snuck into the kitchen and helped themselves to the last of the string cheese, some apples, crackers and they may or may not have eaten the last brownie in the house. They didn't finish any of it, they just took a bite or two of everything and put it on the counter.

So when I finally got Squizzle asleep and found the mess when I came in to check the blog, I knew the three horsemen of the Dadpocolypse were full of it when they told me they were hungry.

But I'm a sucker, so I decided to give in rather than have them hollering at me every thirty seconds that they were REALLY hungry. I looked in the fridge and because tomorow is grocery day, the fridge is devoid of even the basic elements of food. I found some hot dogs in the freezer, but that would have made it four of the last ten days and I could not bring myself to cook them. As soon as the door opened, Peff started the call for ice cream and the others quickly picked it up and turned it into a Benedictine-like chant.

"Weeeeeee Wanttttttt IIIIIIIce CRRRRRRRREEEEEAMMMMMMM!!!!"

"Weeeeeee Wanttttttt IIIIIIIce CRRRRRRRREEEEEAMMMMMMM!!!!"

"Weeeeeee Wanttttttt IIIIIIIce CRRRRRRRREEEEEAMMMMMMM!!!!"

What's a dad gonna do?

I dished 'em up.
I'm Evil.
I'm an abomination.
I sinned.

Whatever.


It's not as bad as trying to sell them on EBay. I do that all the time.

And really. Let's be honest for a second. Ice Cream is essentially milk, sugar and flavor. Hot dogs are....Well, hot dogs are hot dogs. Why is it ok to have hot dogs for lunch, but if I feed them ice cream, someone calls the Mommy Union?

The only good news is that the probation officers from the Man Card Police showed up while I was dishing the kids their vanilla scoops. When they saw the dirty dishes, the half-naked baby sprawled asleep on the couch, and ice cream on the counter at 11:30 they immediatly removed my probation and returned my Man Card with benefits and privleges intact. One of them told me he was going to put me up for honors and medals.

So I got that going for me.

Even if I will be a little extra-crispy in the afterlife.