You know, I clearly remember my wife telling me this week that her sister would be bringing her dog and bird over for us to watch while they went on a little trip. What I do not clearly remember is my wife telling me when they would be coming.
Very unfortunate.
Yesterday, you see, was a day filled with running around town getting things arranged for the cruise that we are now referring to as the "away from the things of man" tour.
****Editor's Note
Everyone now gets this joke because all of you who had not seen "Joe Versus the Volcano" went out and watched it after reading my comments this week on the Snickers commercial with Abe Vagoda. Right? I'd better be.
****
Because of the multitude of things to be done before we can go and the dearth of time in which to do them, I spent a whole day out of the house yesterday (a very rare occurrence, indeed) with the Boss.
I didn't get any cleaning done so the messes made on Wednesday combined with the messes made yesterday morning while getting the girls out the door and the messes made last night providing kids with dinner and then to bed and back up this morning and ready for school again and getting the runts breakfast plus it's Friday so the accumulation of the whole week's worth of messes is growing and....
....Imagine, if you will, the worst disaster scene from "Mr. Mom". Multiply it. By oh...let's say fifteen or twenty. That's getting close.
Right now my house is in the following condition:
Both sides of the sink are full of dirty dishes.
The kitchen counter is littered with peanut butter and jam bottles and spills, a half empty loaf of bread, a container of milk Moe didn't put away after making cereal for breakfast, assorted hot cocoa wrappers and a half empty cocoa mug. The kitchen floor has three days worth of dirt on it.
The living room is covered with blankets, toys, discarded pajamas and for reasons none of the runts will explain, a crumbled up granola bar. The unneeded contents of three separate school bags were dumped unceremoniously on the couch and have since spilled onto the floor. The rug has not been vacuumed in three days either, and the fireplace is full of junk mail and cardboard that I've been waiting for a green burn day to get rid of (yes, Al Gore, I occasionally burn recyclables. Arrest me. I need the vacation).
The laundry hall is filled a foot deep because I haven't been home to wash anything. Some of you do know this, but others of you would not believe how much laundry a family of seven can generate in the course of three days. Particularly when three of the kids wear uniforms to school, necessitating two outfits per day, each.
The trash is once again at "Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout" levels, and the stairs need to be vacuumed something fierce. the bathrooms are approaching "gas station" certification.
The Toy room....I can't bring myself to go there right now. It...um...needs work. AGAIN!!!!!!
Top everything off with a Squizzle who still isn't sleeping worth a $#@% and when Beak's kids got here at 6:30, I gave up. The Boss pushed the girls out the door to school and I took a quick nap (It officially qualifies as a bad day when you need your first nap at 7:00 AM). When I woke up at 8:30 to the piercing screams an indignant Reaggers who did not think Peff should be allowed to change the cartoon she was watching, I saw that they had increased the mess in the living room three-fold.
"Forget it," I said to myself. "Go take a shower, and start cleaning when you are alive."
It would have worked, too, but as soon as the water heated up, Peff came pounding on the door.
"Daaaad! Aunt J is heeeeerreee!"
Why would Aunt J come over at 8:30 on a Friday morning.... The dog!!!
Just perfect. Couldn't have timed it any better. Kids running around unsupervised in a house that looks like directionally challenged suicide bombers hit it and the baby is roaming free-range style with a snotty nose. Nice. At least he had a diaper on.
I just hope Aunt J chalks it up as evidence of how bad I need to get on that stinking boat and away from the things of man.
I swear that if Cozumel has a smokin' volcano... we're jumping. This brain cloud is driving me nuts.
That almost makes me feel better about the 7 times I was vomited on or around yesterday. I think one vomiting 2 year old can create almost as much laundry as 5 children. Good luck with the dog and bird and everything.
ReplyDeleteIt doesn't qualify as a disaster unless things start moving on their own (besides kiddos). Nothing waved that didn't have hands, so we're good!
ReplyDeleteBTW, I hope they have orange soda on your trip...
Joe Forever!!!!!!