NOOOOOO!!!!!

So how am I supposed to judge a day like today?

Last night we went to Grandma's work party at Murray park. Free dinner is always a good thing, and the kids love the fishpond and other games. But I must admit that it is a mixed emotion to go each year. This work party was one of the last things we did together as a family before my brother was killed so there is always a bit of association there. And since they hold it around the same time every year, it serves as a reminder that the anniversary of his death is coming up again.

We could have had it a little easier with the dates on that one. His birthday is in January, and his death was on the same day of the month in August; so we get a fresh round of scab-peeling every half year or so. Not my idea of fun, but at least it's symmetrical.

For the last couple of days, my lenses have been bugging me and I had been hitting the 'roids hard to keep from having an allergic reaction. I put them in to go to the party and they were all right for the most part. Then on the way home, the right eye started burning and irritating the heck out of me. It felt like there was a piece of highway gravel stuck in there and it reminded me that I needed to get more lens solution. I asked the Boss if we could stop at Walmart and by the time we got there, I could hardly keep my eye open.

I learned very early on that with my crazy shaped corneas it is always a good idea to keep a complete lens kit on hand at all times because even my custom fit lenses can pop out. And they usually do so at the most inconvenient of times. So I pulled my case out and got ready to remove the irritated lens.

I had foolishly not grabbed my removal plunger, leaving me to try to pry the little sucker out with my fat fingers. While thus engaged, I felt the lens shift, and my eye started to feel better, so I put my case away and the Boss and I headed into the store.

Guess where the lens had "shifted"?

Now you may rightly say to yourself, "If he's so stinking blind, how is it that he did not immediately notice the absence of a lens?" There are two answers to this.

First, I did notice the decline in vision. In fact I said to the Boss, "This lousy lens isn't doing crapola right now. I can't see any better than without it" (perhaps I should have seen this as a warning sign).

And second,when my eyes get irritated like that, it doesn't matter if the lens is in or not, I don't see well. So it was not unusual for me to have bad vision and the thought that the lens was gone did not occur to me. I was too happy not to be still flushing boulders from under my eyelid. I ignored it until we got home and then I went to the bathroom to pull the lenses out for the night.

When the plunger came up empty, I started to royally panic. I made the Boss do a full scale examination to see if perhaps it had rolled up under one of the lids or behind the eye but it was long gone. We scoured the bathroom floor, the sink (I have an OCD tick that makes me put the plug down to ensure a dropped lens won't go down the drain), my clothes, the bedroom floor, outside to the car, the floor of the car, the seat, the dashboard... gone, baby.

Gone.

I have the hurting suspicion that sometime during the night a sweeper at Walmart dusted up a little blue plastic miracle without any idea of what it was. At that very moment I was probably curled into the fetal position feeling like I'd taken a shot to the "Solar Plexus" as the boys of professional wrestling euphemistically describe it. It was a long night filled with some really good panic attacks of the variety I ain't seen in years.

Then this morning, I got a call from the Boss. She had left early for work and on the way she had already gotten a replacement lens ordered (2 weeks to wait might seem like an eternity until I compare it to five years...then, not so much), had found a way to get it paid for, (You know who you are; Ooh Sainted One)and had the good news that I may have legitimate, full time employment. It would be mule work for a disaster cleanup company.

Now it's not writing but there is a steady paycheck involved and who of you that read this blog would argue that I, of all people, am not qualified to "Clean Up" after disasters? Might even help to rectify my "why me" attitude. I'm only blind, fat, broke and ugly. These people will have had their homes flooded, burned, or otherwise demolished. Is it wrong to assume that it would be good for me to see people more messed up than me?

All I know is a job is a job, and I'll take it if officially offered. Cash is cash, and I could sure use me some of that....