Atheism is No Longer an Option

Thanks to sports, I am sure of the following statements:

There is a God.

He is very interested in sporting events.

He hates my Chicago Cubs.

Without this information, there is little rhyme or reason to the events which unfolded yesterday afternoon. The New Orleans Saints are going to the Superbowl.

The New Orleans Saints are going to the Superbowl (I know I wrote that already, but I didn't believe it so I had to write it again to make sure).

The most improbable turn of events in the history of professional sports has taken place. The Ain'ts finally became the can-do's. The only time a person could say the words "Saints" and "Superbowl" in the same sentence without laughing was if you said "This year's Superbowl between the Packers and Patriots will be held at the Superdome in New Orleans; the home of the Saints." Any implications that the Aint's would play in that game were beyond ridiculous.

Yet the Saints are going to the Super bowl. (Just saying it makes the tongue go all numb and fuzzy and wrong, like when you swear or say "go utes")

I spent the morning looking to the mountains in the East expecting to find four bad-intentioned dudes come riding their horses over the hill with the sunrise. I'm fairly sure that the Saints in the Superbowl is one of the signs of the Apocalypse. At the very least, I expect another Fed Ex envelope.

But what's this got to do with the Cubs?

The Saints going to the Superbowl is direct evidence that God wants to find new and unique ways to test the faith of the die-hard Cubbie. Every single unlikely team in the universe that could win a championship before the Cubs; will. And they will do it while the Cubbies have to watch with envy.

It's hard enough when we have to watch the Boston Red Sox break the curse of the Bambino and win a World Series. But for an encore, we get to watch the other Chicago team, the hated White Sox, win one.

Ouch.

And then we have to smile while the Marlins; The FLORIDA FREAKING MARLINS, win it all. And the Arizona Diamondbacks. Who the crap are the Arizona Diamondbacks? Florida and Arizona is where teams go for springball. They aren't supposed to have teams, let alone teams that win a World Series. My Grandfather lived 83 years and never saw the Cubs win a World Series. Florida's team is younger than my Eldest child and they've won two. Nothing but an act of God can explain it.

It's like the Israelites after forty years in the wilderness. Everybody gets to go to the Promised Land but Moses.

And now it's starting to spread to other sports. The Saints are going to the Superbowl (Still don't sound right). Five years ago, the Saints would get fewer than a hundred people to show up for their games. You didn't even need a ticket. You could just walk in, grab a paperbag to put over your head, and grab a seat. There were no Saints fans, just employees.

This means that all 90,000 of those screaming lunatics that went "marchin' in" to the Superdome yesterday?

Bandwagon Jumpers. Every. Single. One. When they talk about long-suffering Saints fans, they might as well be talking about leprechauns. Except that I believe Leprechauns exist. Saint fans didn't suffer. They ignored their team and waited until they saw a winner and then they hopped aboard.

And us Cubbie followers can do nothing but stand there and watch it unfold with green, green eyes and chew on the bland but filling manna that helps us survive the wilderness.

"If winter comes, can spring be far behind?" (Translation:"Wait till next year")

In the meantime, I'm cheering for the Colts. (Go Austin Collie)