Trying To Buy a Man Card

Last night I was reminded of a funny story from when the Eldest was a newborn. We had gone to Idaho with the rest of the family to visit my Grandparents. That afternoon, we had all gone into Twin Falls for lunch (Burley was still small enough then that you had to go to Twin for anything other than fast food). After we had been there for a while, I got up under the pretense of going to the men's room and instead went to pay the check.

See, it is impossible for any of us kids to buy dinner if we go out with Mom and Dad. Dad ALWAYS gets the bill and won't take no for an answer. My brother and I once took him to lunch for his birthday, and he still paid. It became something of a badge of honor to get the check. And from what I can tell, Dad learned this frustrating behavior after years of being unable to pay a dinner bill when out with HIS Dad.

So when I saw a chance to beat them both to the bill, I resorted to devious plotting and paid it before the waitress had a chance to bring it to the table. I returned to the table and spent most of dessert trying to keep a smirk off of my face. I had slipped one past 'em. Now that I was a father, a big step in gaining a Man Card seemed to be to beat my Dad and my Grandfather to the check. It was without doubt one of my finest accomplishments.

After it became apparent we were ready to leave and no bill was forthcoming, my Dad called the waitress over and inquired about it. He was told that it had been paid already.

"Who did that?" Dad asked looking at Grandpa.

"Wasn't me", said Grandpa.

Unable to contain my grin anymore I blurted out, "It was me! I got both of you, and it's paid, and I win, I win, I win!"

Both of them looked at me with a mixture of pride and irritation and said in the same tone of voice and at the same time, "You keep your money in your pockets. You're gonna need it sooner or later."

It was obviously something Dad had heard before. I seem to recall Grandma giggling. Victory was mine!

Until the Boss and I got home that night and I went to change the baby and found that both Dad and Grandpa had each stuffed a check for more than the cost of the meal into the diaper bag. I found out later that they had done it independently of one another. Instead of paying the tab, I had more than doubled my money.

I learned two valuable lessons from this experience.
First, you can't buy a Man Card. No exceptions.

Second, I will always be the unprofitable servant. And that's a good thing. Any efforts I make to repay blessings I have received from my Dad will always result in more blessings and an accompanying gratitude and desire to repay those blessings, which in turn results in more blessings. It's an eternally upward spiral. Someday I can finally win the game by not letting Peff, and later on his son, ever pay for dinner.

If I can only keep dad from doing it first.