While Squizzle was busy peeing on my leg, Kentucky was doing the same to my bracket. What a bunch of L7 weeeee-nieeeeees!
That was pathetic. I think the Wildcats were too busy ogling Ashley Judd on the Jumbotron to know they were down by a hundred and fifty with three minutes to go. Lord knows she's easier on the eyes than Kentucky's ridiculous shooting. What were they, 3 for 65 from three?
Haggis's junior high girl's team shot the rock better than that. I thought Ray Charles was dead. Who knew Stevie Wonder was coming off the bench for the Wildcats?
Don't laugh, Mountaineers. You were every bit as sorry. I think they hit a healthy 45% from the free throw line. Wow. Very impressive...if your name is Ted Williams and the .450 is your batting average. For a major college basketball team, it was the saddest thing I've seen since "Brian's Song".
It was like watching Helen Keller play HORSE with Granny from the Beverly Hillbillies. They couldn't hit water if they fell out of a boat.
How bad was it?
Somebody hung a pinata from the scoreboard and they didn't bother with a blind fold. Nobody could hit that either. The candy is still safely tucked inside Spongebob's paper mache Squarepants.
It didn't get any better after the game. WVU climbed up the step ladder to cut down the nets, and they missed those too.
****Editor's Note
I thought for a moment about including a Bob Huggins DUI joke here, but decided that it would be in poor taste. And too easy a target. Some bulls eyes are so full of holes that you feel little or no satisfaction when hitting them.
****
The upshot of all this is that with Kentucky going "the way of the One Seed", Becket should have wrapped up his championship tonight (I wonder what he would have shot from three in that game. I'll bet even money it would be better than 4 for 37 or whatever UK was).
But an alert reader will not the "Should have" in that last sentence. I missed a possible contender this morning. Beckett's Mamma can still catch him under the following conditions. Duke has to beat Baylor, and then win it all. If that happens, I think she'll get him by 8 or 10. Otherwise, we'll all be quoting Marv from "Home Alone".
"I think we been scammed by a kindy-gartner."
Who wants to watch Uncle C console his wife or his son when somebody loses those red box rentals? If Beckett wins, ten nights of "Bob the Builder" might be in his future. I bet I know who he'll be cheering for tommorrow!
Have a good Sunday!.
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Gee Whizz
Now, I don't claim to have the experience of say, my mother or mother-in-law; but I think with five kids, I have earned my Captain's bars. There are a whole lot of bizarre, strange, disgusting, hilarious or whacked out experiences to which I can say "been there, done that, got the t-shirt" (you have been reading this blog, yes?).
But this is a new one, even for me.
I got done playing with the brackets this morning and indulged myself in a moment or two of Solitaire.
****Editor's Note
I continue to notice that most, if not all, of my disaster stories begin with me finally getting a chance to take thirty seconds for myself. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wonder what the message is, and who it is that's sending it?
****
I got up to fix chili dogs for lunch, and as I grabbed the pot from the cabinet, I saw the small form of Squizzle come toddling into the kitchen. I turned to the sink to fill the pot with water when I felt something splash my bare foot. I looked down and saw Squizz had toddled up to me and was giggling.
I thought he had slobbered on me, but there was WAY too much splashing to be slobber. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the boy had removed his diaper and was now PEEING ON MY BARE FREAKING FOOT!!!
Remember, I'm blind as a bat, so all I had seen was the boy's silhouette. Not noticing his diaper was gone might be a "Master of the Obvious" circumstance for most of you, but for me, it was improbable at best.
But not as improbable as my one year old son taking off his diaper, locating me, getting over to me, deciding at that moment that he had to go; then aiming, firing and hitting a moving target. Are you kidding me?
The odds...I can't even calculate.
Does that end things? Heck no. After Haggis stopped laughing at me, my father-in-law walked through the door and at the same instant, my sister-in-law called to ask what she should get Squizzle for a belated birthday present.
"A coffin" I said. "I'm gonna kill him."
"I was thinking something more along the lines of pants. What size does he wear?" She asked.
By this point I'm flustered beyond my usual madness. I couldn't have told you what size my own pants were by then.
"Hang on a second" I told her. "Haggis, what size are Squizz's pants?"
"Um...dad? He's not wearing any pants."
"Well no freaking duh! If he was wearing pants right now, I wouldn't be mopping baby pee out of my flip-flop, would I? I meant, when the boy DOES wear pants, what size are they?"
My sister-in-law and her Father both seemed to think something about this was amusing, because all I heard from them was laughter.
"He peed on you?"
"Yeah. Long story. Check the blog. It'll be up in half an hour."
Since then, he has removed his diaper again, tried to do it a third time, and then attempted to swallow a nickle.
Check EBay. The bidding starts at two bits.
Ahhh...The life of a stay-at-home Dad. I should have become a stay-in-Cozumel Dad.
I'll tell you one thing though. If the boy can hit me, he can hit the potty. This daddy just bought his last package of diapers!
But this is a new one, even for me.
I got done playing with the brackets this morning and indulged myself in a moment or two of Solitaire.
****Editor's Note
I continue to notice that most, if not all, of my disaster stories begin with me finally getting a chance to take thirty seconds for myself. Coincidence? I doubt it. I wonder what the message is, and who it is that's sending it?
****
I got up to fix chili dogs for lunch, and as I grabbed the pot from the cabinet, I saw the small form of Squizzle come toddling into the kitchen. I turned to the sink to fill the pot with water when I felt something splash my bare foot. I looked down and saw Squizz had toddled up to me and was giggling.
I thought he had slobbered on me, but there was WAY too much splashing to be slobber. Upon closer inspection, I noticed that the boy had removed his diaper and was now PEEING ON MY BARE FREAKING FOOT!!!
Remember, I'm blind as a bat, so all I had seen was the boy's silhouette. Not noticing his diaper was gone might be a "Master of the Obvious" circumstance for most of you, but for me, it was improbable at best.
But not as improbable as my one year old son taking off his diaper, locating me, getting over to me, deciding at that moment that he had to go; then aiming, firing and hitting a moving target. Are you kidding me?
The odds...I can't even calculate.
Does that end things? Heck no. After Haggis stopped laughing at me, my father-in-law walked through the door and at the same instant, my sister-in-law called to ask what she should get Squizzle for a belated birthday present.
"A coffin" I said. "I'm gonna kill him."
"I was thinking something more along the lines of pants. What size does he wear?" She asked.
By this point I'm flustered beyond my usual madness. I couldn't have told you what size my own pants were by then.
"Hang on a second" I told her. "Haggis, what size are Squizz's pants?"
"Um...dad? He's not wearing any pants."
"Well no freaking duh! If he was wearing pants right now, I wouldn't be mopping baby pee out of my flip-flop, would I? I meant, when the boy DOES wear pants, what size are they?"
My sister-in-law and her Father both seemed to think something about this was amusing, because all I heard from them was laughter.
"He peed on you?"
"Yeah. Long story. Check the blog. It'll be up in half an hour."
Since then, he has removed his diaper again, tried to do it a third time, and then attempted to swallow a nickle.
Check EBay. The bidding starts at two bits.
Ahhh...The life of a stay-at-home Dad. I should have become a stay-in-Cozumel Dad.
I'll tell you one thing though. If the boy can hit me, he can hit the potty. This daddy just bought his last package of diapers!
It All Comes Down to This
Rank Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 186 34 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 167 35 231 39 Kentucky (110)
3 Moe 158 37 190 40 BYU (32)
4 Jason Anderson 152 36 232 41 Kentucky (142)
5 Brian Beebe 151 31 175 33 Ohio St. (173)
6 Dawnell Moon (1) 146 36 210 40 Duke (168)
7 Anne Taylor 145 34 177 37 Syracuse (109)
8 Jil Bircher (3) 144 32 176 35 Kansas (97)
9 Mandy Kelly 142 31 166 33 Syracuse (146)
10 Corbin Taylor 138 34 170 37 Kansas (134)
11 Squizzles 137 34 169 37 Kansas (100)
12 Jen Clark 135 31 143 32 Kansas (165)
12 Kevin Kelly (2) 135 33 167 36 BYU (130)
14 Jil Bircher (2) 130 30 186 33 Duke (77)
15 The Boss 129 30 185 33 Kentucky (122)
16 Kevin Kelly (1) 128 30 160 33 Kansas (152)
17 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 122 30 178 33 Kentucky (165)
19 Jess Clark 120 28 120 28 Kansas (150)
20 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
21 Mike Kelly 116 29 116 29 Syracuse (164)
21 Peff 116 19 116 19 BYU (37)
23 Haggis 115 25 171 28 Kentucky (130)
24 Hollie Downs 114 29 146 32 Syracuse (133)
25 tim kelly 103 26 103 26 Syracuse (135)
Jason needs Kansas State to win to the finals and for Duke lose their next game. If Kentucky beats K-state to win it all, he can pass me and Beckett for the win.
If Kentucky wins it all and Duke beats Baylor, I'll win.
Beckett is cheering for: West Virginia, Baylor and Butler this round and Baylor in the Final Four and Championship. If West Virginia wins today, no one can catch him.
So it all comes down to this. If you want Beckett to win, cheer for West Virginia. If not them, cheer for Baylor and Butler to keep winning. If you want Jason to win, Cheer for K State and Kentucky, and in the unlikely event you are cheering for me, you want Duke and Kentucky(EEEEEWWWWWW!).
Moe, Brian Beebe and a few others can still move up or down in the rankings, but are mathematically eliminated from winning it all.
A three pony race. I gotta say, in order to maintain my hard earned rep for knowing something about sports, I hope I can beat my three year old nephew. From a "fan" perspective, I hope Beckett runs away with it. I am tired of the same five or six teams winning year after year after year. Duke and Kentucky and Michigan State can all go suck eggs for what I care.
Cry big tears for them and their "Bluebloods" mentality. I'd like to see them join Arizona, UCLA, North Carolina, and UCONN in the NIT next year (Of course with Caliparri at UK, there's a good chance that they won't be allowed to participate in ANY tournament due to sanctions and recruiting violations anyway).
I'm pretty lukewarm on Tennessee and Kansas State because they win a lot in other sports and are BCS. I despise West Virginia for the same reasons but with added hatred for their scuzzbag coach; Bob Huggins. While Baylor is usually pretty bad and would otherwise have my sympathy; they still belong to a BCS conference so I can't cheer for them, either.
That leaves Butler.
So for my bracket's sake, I say "Go Kentucky"
From my gut (which is bigger than my bracket), "Go Bulldogs!"
PS...
Win or lose, I have one question for my sister in law. Where do you keep Beckett's broomstick and pointy hat when he isn't picking tournament games? That kid is a straight up witch!
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 186 34 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 167 35 231 39 Kentucky (110)
3 Moe 158 37 190 40 BYU (32)
4 Jason Anderson 152 36 232 41 Kentucky (142)
5 Brian Beebe 151 31 175 33 Ohio St. (173)
6 Dawnell Moon (1) 146 36 210 40 Duke (168)
7 Anne Taylor 145 34 177 37 Syracuse (109)
8 Jil Bircher (3) 144 32 176 35 Kansas (97)
9 Mandy Kelly 142 31 166 33 Syracuse (146)
10 Corbin Taylor 138 34 170 37 Kansas (134)
11 Squizzles 137 34 169 37 Kansas (100)
12 Jen Clark 135 31 143 32 Kansas (165)
12 Kevin Kelly (2) 135 33 167 36 BYU (130)
14 Jil Bircher (2) 130 30 186 33 Duke (77)
15 The Boss 129 30 185 33 Kentucky (122)
16 Kevin Kelly (1) 128 30 160 33 Kansas (152)
17 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 122 30 178 33 Kentucky (165)
19 Jess Clark 120 28 120 28 Kansas (150)
20 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
21 Mike Kelly 116 29 116 29 Syracuse (164)
21 Peff 116 19 116 19 BYU (37)
23 Haggis 115 25 171 28 Kentucky (130)
24 Hollie Downs 114 29 146 32 Syracuse (133)
25 tim kelly 103 26 103 26 Syracuse (135)
Jason needs Kansas State to win to the finals and for Duke lose their next game. If Kentucky beats K-state to win it all, he can pass me and Beckett for the win.
If Kentucky wins it all and Duke beats Baylor, I'll win.
Beckett is cheering for: West Virginia, Baylor and Butler this round and Baylor in the Final Four and Championship. If West Virginia wins today, no one can catch him.
So it all comes down to this. If you want Beckett to win, cheer for West Virginia. If not them, cheer for Baylor and Butler to keep winning. If you want Jason to win, Cheer for K State and Kentucky, and in the unlikely event you are cheering for me, you want Duke and Kentucky(EEEEEWWWWWW!).
Moe, Brian Beebe and a few others can still move up or down in the rankings, but are mathematically eliminated from winning it all.
A three pony race. I gotta say, in order to maintain my hard earned rep for knowing something about sports, I hope I can beat my three year old nephew. From a "fan" perspective, I hope Beckett runs away with it. I am tired of the same five or six teams winning year after year after year. Duke and Kentucky and Michigan State can all go suck eggs for what I care.
Cry big tears for them and their "Bluebloods" mentality. I'd like to see them join Arizona, UCLA, North Carolina, and UCONN in the NIT next year (Of course with Caliparri at UK, there's a good chance that they won't be allowed to participate in ANY tournament due to sanctions and recruiting violations anyway).
I'm pretty lukewarm on Tennessee and Kansas State because they win a lot in other sports and are BCS. I despise West Virginia for the same reasons but with added hatred for their scuzzbag coach; Bob Huggins. While Baylor is usually pretty bad and would otherwise have my sympathy; they still belong to a BCS conference so I can't cheer for them, either.
That leaves Butler.
So for my bracket's sake, I say "Go Kentucky"
From my gut (which is bigger than my bracket), "Go Bulldogs!"
PS...
Win or lose, I have one question for my sister in law. Where do you keep Beckett's broomstick and pointy hat when he isn't picking tournament games? That kid is a straight up witch!
Friday, March 26, 2010
Babysitter Bank Robbers.
I'm glad it's raining outside today. It discourages pedestrian traffic past my house. And that's probably for the best this morning. Someone out for an early morning spring stroll might misunderstand the voices floating out of my windows and call the cops. What I mean is, what would you do if you were walking around and heard someone yell...
"Sit down and shut up! The next person to talk is going to get hurt! Nobody moves or else!"
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
The girls are off school today. The Boss and Beak both had to work. Beak dropped Reaggers and Bub off at the usual time and I told her, "I'm turning them over to Haggis and Moe and going back to bed."
Twenty minutes later, I hear the beginnings of a strong arm robbery going on upstairs. Moe has a ridiculously awesome tone of command (where the H-fire did she get that from?) and a natural ability to get kids her age and younger to do what she wants. And Haggis is taking drama at school, so her work with voice projection seems to be paying off.
Now don't worry if you've hired Haggis to babysit your children in the past, she wasn't really threatening anyone with death (this time, haha). They were playing a game. The little kids were laughing their butts off and having a grand time trying to sneak off the couch when one of the girls would look away from them. It was pretty funny; I just wouldn't have wanted someone to overhear and get the wrong idea. I'm sure that none of the neighbors have ever heard screams from our house before and would have been shocked at the blood-curdlers issuing from it this morning.
****Editors Note
Have I told the story how after the BYU Oklahoma football game last year I went out on to the porch to let out a war whoop and scared the crap out of my neighbor who was sitting on her porch swing enjoying a late summer evening? I was pretty hyped up and used my very best "Coach voice" and caused her to jump about fifteen feet in the air. You can still see the scratches on the raingutter from her fingernails. I laugh every time I think about it.
****
My family is a lot of things. Quiet ain't one of 'em. And I like it that way.
"Sit down and shut up! The next person to talk is going to get hurt! Nobody moves or else!"
Yeah, that's what I was thinking too.
The girls are off school today. The Boss and Beak both had to work. Beak dropped Reaggers and Bub off at the usual time and I told her, "I'm turning them over to Haggis and Moe and going back to bed."
Twenty minutes later, I hear the beginnings of a strong arm robbery going on upstairs. Moe has a ridiculously awesome tone of command (where the H-fire did she get that from?) and a natural ability to get kids her age and younger to do what she wants. And Haggis is taking drama at school, so her work with voice projection seems to be paying off.
Now don't worry if you've hired Haggis to babysit your children in the past, she wasn't really threatening anyone with death (this time, haha). They were playing a game. The little kids were laughing their butts off and having a grand time trying to sneak off the couch when one of the girls would look away from them. It was pretty funny; I just wouldn't have wanted someone to overhear and get the wrong idea. I'm sure that none of the neighbors have ever heard screams from our house before and would have been shocked at the blood-curdlers issuing from it this morning.
****Editors Note
Have I told the story how after the BYU Oklahoma football game last year I went out on to the porch to let out a war whoop and scared the crap out of my neighbor who was sitting on her porch swing enjoying a late summer evening? I was pretty hyped up and used my very best "Coach voice" and caused her to jump about fifteen feet in the air. You can still see the scratches on the raingutter from her fingernails. I laugh every time I think about it.
****
My family is a lot of things. Quiet ain't one of 'em. And I like it that way.
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
The Old Man Is At It Again...
Sorry. I can't help it. I get stagnant and bored very easy. If you don't like the new version of the blog, all I can say is...Hang on for a week or two and I'll get bored again. It probably has something to do with me not posting anything yesterday and feeling guilty about not having anything new for the four or five of you who check daily.
I was having another one of those "Blah" days where I just need to change the routine. So none of us got out of our pajamas before Uncle C came to get his kids at 1:30. We watched Barbie Thumbelina. There's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that's a shame because of could have put those hours toward something fun or productive or...nevermind. I'm not really out that much.
I need to get out of the house.
The Boss has managed to pull of a couple of winners with the girls this week. She let Haggis go down to Walmart at midnight to get a copy of "New Moon". I'm not sure why; we told her that she wasn't going to get to watch it until we had seen it first, so there was no way she was going to be viewing it for at least a day and a half. Might as well have waited for the next afternoon. I guess she just wanted to go to the party.
Whatever. It made her happy and got her to help around the house with less grumbling than usual.
As for me, teenage vampire movies hold all the interest of waiting for sunburns to peel. Twilight was wholly panned by most of the folks I was in school with. I myself only read the first one (I had to before I'd let Haggis read it; the Boss read the rest of them) and it wasn't really my thing.
Most of the pseudo-critics at school thought it was formulaic, cliched, and overly simplistic. They're probably right. But my bit of contention with them was that you still have to give Meyer a TON of credit.
First, not one of them (including me) would stop at anything short of sacrificing their sainted mothers to the ghost of the Venerable Bede in order to get published at all; let alone sell umpteen million copies. If we thought it would sell, we'd write a thousand pages of nothing BUT cliches, just to get our picture and a bio on a dust jacket. It's true.
Second, you can say what you want about her style, Meyer never forgot the first rule of good writing.
"KNOW THY AUDIENCE!"
While I cannot speak for her, I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer could care less about what a bunch of pretentious, arrogant, twenty year old Harold Bloom wannabees have to say. In fact, she needs an accountant to keep track of all the reasons she doesn't care. She wasn't writing for them. She never intended to replace the Bard or Dickens or even JK Rowling. She was aiming her story at little girls, age 12 to 16 (and occasionally their mothers). And darn me if she wasn't dead center of the bulls eye. Kudos. I bow to her success.
No, I don't care for Twilight for the same reason I don't care for Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. To much angst and hand-wringing and desperate cries for "romance" (whatever the hell that is). I don't say that it is trash or useless. I recognize the audience. It just isn't me.
I'd rather stick to what I like. It would be foolish of me to expect everyone to like Joyce and Yeats as much as I do, but I would certainly put up my dukes if someone were to dismiss it as casually as people do the Twilight books.
But like I said, It made Haggis happy.
Then yesterday, the Boss found out that Brandon Mull, the author of the Fablehaven books was in town for the release of the finale of that series. Now these I haven't yet read (I'm still trying to polish off Percy Jackson and the Olympians), but Moe's teacher read the first one to her class and she has been hooked ever since. Every day she'd come home from school and rehash the day's events to the Boss and I. She poured over every one of them and gushed on and on about how great they were.
So the Boss got off work and hauled Moe down to Deseret Book where Mull was doing a book signing. They got there just in the nick of time, and though they were among the very last in line, Moe got a personalized signing of the last book and a picture with the author. She was thrilled beyond belief and already to chapter three by the time she and the Boss got back home.
Pretty cool if you ask me. Well, Uncle C just got here to pick up Reaggers for school. Better go for now.
I was having another one of those "Blah" days where I just need to change the routine. So none of us got out of our pajamas before Uncle C came to get his kids at 1:30. We watched Barbie Thumbelina. There's two hours of my life I'll never get back. And that's a shame because of could have put those hours toward something fun or productive or...nevermind. I'm not really out that much.
I need to get out of the house.
The Boss has managed to pull of a couple of winners with the girls this week. She let Haggis go down to Walmart at midnight to get a copy of "New Moon". I'm not sure why; we told her that she wasn't going to get to watch it until we had seen it first, so there was no way she was going to be viewing it for at least a day and a half. Might as well have waited for the next afternoon. I guess she just wanted to go to the party.
Whatever. It made her happy and got her to help around the house with less grumbling than usual.
As for me, teenage vampire movies hold all the interest of waiting for sunburns to peel. Twilight was wholly panned by most of the folks I was in school with. I myself only read the first one (I had to before I'd let Haggis read it; the Boss read the rest of them) and it wasn't really my thing.
Most of the pseudo-critics at school thought it was formulaic, cliched, and overly simplistic. They're probably right. But my bit of contention with them was that you still have to give Meyer a TON of credit.
First, not one of them (including me) would stop at anything short of sacrificing their sainted mothers to the ghost of the Venerable Bede in order to get published at all; let alone sell umpteen million copies. If we thought it would sell, we'd write a thousand pages of nothing BUT cliches, just to get our picture and a bio on a dust jacket. It's true.
Second, you can say what you want about her style, Meyer never forgot the first rule of good writing.
"KNOW THY AUDIENCE!"
While I cannot speak for her, I'm pretty sure that Stephanie Meyer could care less about what a bunch of pretentious, arrogant, twenty year old Harold Bloom wannabees have to say. In fact, she needs an accountant to keep track of all the reasons she doesn't care. She wasn't writing for them. She never intended to replace the Bard or Dickens or even JK Rowling. She was aiming her story at little girls, age 12 to 16 (and occasionally their mothers). And darn me if she wasn't dead center of the bulls eye. Kudos. I bow to her success.
No, I don't care for Twilight for the same reason I don't care for Jane Austin and the Bronte sisters. To much angst and hand-wringing and desperate cries for "romance" (whatever the hell that is). I don't say that it is trash or useless. I recognize the audience. It just isn't me.
I'd rather stick to what I like. It would be foolish of me to expect everyone to like Joyce and Yeats as much as I do, but I would certainly put up my dukes if someone were to dismiss it as casually as people do the Twilight books.
But like I said, It made Haggis happy.
Then yesterday, the Boss found out that Brandon Mull, the author of the Fablehaven books was in town for the release of the finale of that series. Now these I haven't yet read (I'm still trying to polish off Percy Jackson and the Olympians), but Moe's teacher read the first one to her class and she has been hooked ever since. Every day she'd come home from school and rehash the day's events to the Boss and I. She poured over every one of them and gushed on and on about how great they were.
So the Boss got off work and hauled Moe down to Deseret Book where Mull was doing a book signing. They got there just in the nick of time, and though they were among the very last in line, Moe got a personalized signing of the last book and a picture with the author. She was thrilled beyond belief and already to chapter three by the time she and the Boss got back home.
Pretty cool if you ask me. Well, Uncle C just got here to pick up Reaggers for school. Better go for now.
Monday, March 22, 2010
Mr Squizzle's Wild Ride
Sorry I'm later than usual today. Beak brought Veggie Tales over for the Runts to watch. So they did. A hundred and thirty three times in a row. I swear if I hear one more bar of "Oh, where is my hairbrush" someone is going to lose some eyebrows while they sleep.
I have often wondered if the people in charge of writing children's programming are aware of the brain damage they are causing the innocent bystander adults who are unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast zone of their inane drivel.
If they are (and I think they must be) then these are the sick people I want in charge of Guantanamo Bay. Put 'em in charge of interrogations and Intel gathering. Twenty minutes of this stuff broadcast in the right village would have citizens turning over Al Qaida in droves.
"Here they are!! Down in the basement. There's some more in those bushes over there, and that cave is Osama Bin Laden's Summer house. He's usually home on Tuesday afternoons. Take him down, boys! Just turn that crap off! We're losing IQ points by the second. We'll testify wherever you want; just turn off Wonder Pets...Please, water board us instead!!"
They also had a grand time playing "bunny hunter" on the Wii; which meant I spent the morning with my referee shirt on. Video games absolutely drive violent behavior. Not the content, but rather the endless "My turn...No, my turn" fights. It's not like there's not two controllers. Sheesh! Cats and dogs get along better. I should find some way to capitalize on it. Do you think that child welfare services would frown on me posting videos of four year olds involved in "No Holds Barred" cage matches? Yeah, probably not a good idea. Oh, well.
And Mr Squizzle has been on a wild ride this weekend. I have mentioned that his mobility and motor skills have been improving at an alarming rate, and his ability to get into stuff he shouldn't be is getting ridiculous. His latest trick is opening kitchen cabinets and drawers and emptying them onto the floor.
He has also: Stolen the TV remote and hid it.
Absconded with Daddy's drink and then marked it for his own with just the right amount of backwash.
Used his stroller as a bulldozer to knock over anything or anyone that was in his way. My shins will be bruised for a while, I think.
Used a chocolate cupcake and an Oreo for a facial peel to give his face that "just been dumpster diving" glow. That filling is mostly just Crisco, you know. Mmm...Delicious fat...
I managed to snap a few picks for posterity and future blackmail attempts. Enjoy them. The kid is a real pip.
Lastly, I'll post the results from Sunday's Bracket Challenge, but I don't want to analyze it anymore. Too depressing. One more three year old has found still another way to shame me. I talked to a few of my friends at church yesterday, and we agree. It's a beat down of historic proportions. Couldn't catch that kid with a butterfly net.
If I were his parents, I'd watch the boy close to make sure that he's not talking to his thumb named "Tony". And make darn sure that he doesn't have a troop of leprechauns hiding out in his room. Sooner or later the little people will stop giving him winners and start telling him to burn things.
Believe me, I've seen it happen.
Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 166 29 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 151 31 243 41 Kentucky (110)
3 Brian Beebe 139 28 247 39 Ohio St. (173)
4 Moe 138 32 194 41 BYU (32)
5 Jason Anderson 136 32 252 45 Kentucky (142)
6 Anne Taylor 133 31 249 43 Syracuse (109)
7 Jen Clark 131 30 159 35 Kansas (165)
8 Mandy Kelly 130 28 226 37 Syracuse (146)
9 Jil Bircher (3) 128 28 188 37 Kansas (97)
10 Dawnell Moon (1) 126 31 222 42 Duke (168)
11 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
11 Kevin Kelly (2) 123 30 171 37 BYU (130)
13 Corbin Taylor 122 30 186 40 Kansas (134)
14 Squizzles 121 30 185 40 Kansas (100)
15 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
16 Jil Bircher (2) 118 27 198 35 Duke (77)
16 Kevin Kelly (3) 118 29 198 37 Kentucky (165)
18 The Boss 117 27 197 35 Kentucky (122)
19 Kevin Kelly (1) 116 27 172 35 Kansas (152)
19 Peff 116 19 124 21 BYU (37)
21 Jess Clark 112 26 132 30 Kansas (150)
22 Mike Kelly 108 27 180 34 Syracuse (164)
23 Haggis 107 23 183 30 Kentucky (130)
24 tim kelly 99 25 163 30 Syracuse (135)
25 Hollie Downs 98 25 206 36 Syracuse (133)
I have often wondered if the people in charge of writing children's programming are aware of the brain damage they are causing the innocent bystander adults who are unfortunate enough to be caught in the blast zone of their inane drivel.
If they are (and I think they must be) then these are the sick people I want in charge of Guantanamo Bay. Put 'em in charge of interrogations and Intel gathering. Twenty minutes of this stuff broadcast in the right village would have citizens turning over Al Qaida in droves.
"Here they are!! Down in the basement. There's some more in those bushes over there, and that cave is Osama Bin Laden's Summer house. He's usually home on Tuesday afternoons. Take him down, boys! Just turn that crap off! We're losing IQ points by the second. We'll testify wherever you want; just turn off Wonder Pets...Please, water board us instead!!"
They also had a grand time playing "bunny hunter" on the Wii; which meant I spent the morning with my referee shirt on. Video games absolutely drive violent behavior. Not the content, but rather the endless "My turn...No, my turn" fights. It's not like there's not two controllers. Sheesh! Cats and dogs get along better. I should find some way to capitalize on it. Do you think that child welfare services would frown on me posting videos of four year olds involved in "No Holds Barred" cage matches? Yeah, probably not a good idea. Oh, well.
And Mr Squizzle has been on a wild ride this weekend. I have mentioned that his mobility and motor skills have been improving at an alarming rate, and his ability to get into stuff he shouldn't be is getting ridiculous. His latest trick is opening kitchen cabinets and drawers and emptying them onto the floor.
He has also: Stolen the TV remote and hid it.
Absconded with Daddy's drink and then marked it for his own with just the right amount of backwash.
Used his stroller as a bulldozer to knock over anything or anyone that was in his way. My shins will be bruised for a while, I think.
Used a chocolate cupcake and an Oreo for a facial peel to give his face that "just been dumpster diving" glow. That filling is mostly just Crisco, you know. Mmm...Delicious fat...
I managed to snap a few picks for posterity and future blackmail attempts. Enjoy them. The kid is a real pip.
Lastly, I'll post the results from Sunday's Bracket Challenge, but I don't want to analyze it anymore. Too depressing. One more three year old has found still another way to shame me. I talked to a few of my friends at church yesterday, and we agree. It's a beat down of historic proportions. Couldn't catch that kid with a butterfly net.
If I were his parents, I'd watch the boy close to make sure that he's not talking to his thumb named "Tony". And make darn sure that he doesn't have a troop of leprechauns hiding out in his room. Sooner or later the little people will stop giving him winners and start telling him to burn things.
Believe me, I've seen it happen.
Team Name Score Correct Best Score Best Correct Champion
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 166 29 258 39 Baylor (112)
2 Fatdaddy 151 31 243 41 Kentucky (110)
3 Brian Beebe 139 28 247 39 Ohio St. (173)
4 Moe 138 32 194 41 BYU (32)
5 Jason Anderson 136 32 252 45 Kentucky (142)
6 Anne Taylor 133 31 249 43 Syracuse (109)
7 Jen Clark 131 30 159 35 Kansas (165)
8 Mandy Kelly 130 28 226 37 Syracuse (146)
9 Jil Bircher (3) 128 28 188 37 Kansas (97)
10 Dawnell Moon (1) 126 31 222 42 Duke (168)
11 Jil Bircher (1) 123 20 123 20 BYU (134)
11 Kevin Kelly (2) 123 30 171 37 BYU (130)
13 Corbin Taylor 122 30 186 40 Kansas (134)
14 Squizzles 121 30 185 40 Kansas (100)
15 Puzey 119 10 119 10 Ark.-Pine Bluff (42)
16 Jil Bircher (2) 118 27 198 35 Duke (77)
16 Kevin Kelly (3) 118 29 198 37 Kentucky (165)
18 The Boss 117 27 197 35 Kentucky (122)
19 Kevin Kelly (1) 116 27 172 35 Kansas (152)
19 Peff 116 19 124 21 BYU (37)
21 Jess Clark 112 26 132 30 Kansas (150)
22 Mike Kelly 108 27 180 34 Syracuse (164)
23 Haggis 107 23 183 30 Kentucky (130)
24 tim kelly 99 25 163 30 Syracuse (135)
25 Hollie Downs 98 25 206 36 Syracuse (133)
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Oh, Kansas, Where Art Thou?
R Name Score Correct BestScore BestCorrect
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 162 27 266 42
2 Fatdaddy 141 26 249 44
3 Brian Beebe 131 24 255 42
4 Moe 126 26 196 42
5 Jason Anderson 124 26 254 46
6 Anne Taylor 123 26 259 47
7 Jen Clark 121 25 165 37
8 Mandy Kelly 120 23 236 41
9 Jil Bircher (1) 119 18 155 25
9 Puzey 119 10 119 10
11 Jil Bircher (3) 118 23 194 39
12 Dawnell Moon (1) 114 25 226 44
13 Kevin Kelly (2) 113 25 173 38
14 Peff 112 17 124 21
15 Squizzles 111 25 191 43
16 Corbin Taylor 110 24 190 42
17 The Boss 107 22 201 37
18 Jil Bircher (2) 106 21 200 36
18 Kevin Kelly (1) 106 22 176 37
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 106 23 200 38
21 Jess Clark 104 22 150 35
22 Haggis 101 20 201 35
23 Mike Kelly 98 22 198 39
24 tim kelly 89 20 165 31
25 Hollie Downs 86 19 214 39
I went two for eight today.
Ouch.
Beebe got one of eight.
Eeep.
Beckett...got six of eight. His lead is back to 21.
Wow.
Just send the kid his prize already. What a boat race. Jeez, Dawnell. Why didn't you tell us the boy's nickname was "the Greek"?
****Editor's Note
I once heard a very good bit of advice, but I don't remember where. It was this. "Never play pool, darts, poker, or gamble in any way against a man who is nicknamed after a place or a body type...ie Slim, Fats, Skinny, Tubby, Minnesota, Tex, or Boston. This is doubly true for someone whose nickname is a combination of both. If a guy named Slim Tex wants to play poker, Run!!!
****
Jason moved past Mandy, thus avoiding a visit from Vince and Jerry; at least until tomorrow night. That's about the extent of the good from last night.
I thought BYU did a good job of playing respectable basketball. It was pretty clear that K State was going to get away with whatever muggings they wanted to (Two KSU players run into the same screen and BYU gets called? Really?), but the Cougars adjusted pretty well and kept it a lot closer than most folks thought. I'm not disappointed. Especially when I look at what they have coming back next year. Good things are coming to Cougar Bball. At least I no longer have to listen to "One and Done" chants from a certain, unspecified fan base.
K State's victory combined with Kansas choking to death and Georgetown's mighty collapse to decimate my picks. Suddenly one side of my bracket looks as empty as the inside of my skull. Bad news.
For this update, I left two extra numbers on; both the score and the number of correct picks plus the number of correct picks still possible in each player's bracket and what score they could achieve if they get all the rest of it correct.
No post tomorrow, but I'll be back on Monday.
Enjoy your Sunday.
1 Dawnell Moon (2) 162 27 266 42
2 Fatdaddy 141 26 249 44
3 Brian Beebe 131 24 255 42
4 Moe 126 26 196 42
5 Jason Anderson 124 26 254 46
6 Anne Taylor 123 26 259 47
7 Jen Clark 121 25 165 37
8 Mandy Kelly 120 23 236 41
9 Jil Bircher (1) 119 18 155 25
9 Puzey 119 10 119 10
11 Jil Bircher (3) 118 23 194 39
12 Dawnell Moon (1) 114 25 226 44
13 Kevin Kelly (2) 113 25 173 38
14 Peff 112 17 124 21
15 Squizzles 111 25 191 43
16 Corbin Taylor 110 24 190 42
17 The Boss 107 22 201 37
18 Jil Bircher (2) 106 21 200 36
18 Kevin Kelly (1) 106 22 176 37
18 Kevin Kelly (3) 106 23 200 38
21 Jess Clark 104 22 150 35
22 Haggis 101 20 201 35
23 Mike Kelly 98 22 198 39
24 tim kelly 89 20 165 31
25 Hollie Downs 86 19 214 39
I went two for eight today.
Ouch.
Beebe got one of eight.
Eeep.
Beckett...got six of eight. His lead is back to 21.
Wow.
Just send the kid his prize already. What a boat race. Jeez, Dawnell. Why didn't you tell us the boy's nickname was "the Greek"?
****Editor's Note
I once heard a very good bit of advice, but I don't remember where. It was this. "Never play pool, darts, poker, or gamble in any way against a man who is nicknamed after a place or a body type...ie Slim, Fats, Skinny, Tubby, Minnesota, Tex, or Boston. This is doubly true for someone whose nickname is a combination of both. If a guy named Slim Tex wants to play poker, Run!!!
****
Jason moved past Mandy, thus avoiding a visit from Vince and Jerry; at least until tomorrow night. That's about the extent of the good from last night.
I thought BYU did a good job of playing respectable basketball. It was pretty clear that K State was going to get away with whatever muggings they wanted to (Two KSU players run into the same screen and BYU gets called? Really?), but the Cougars adjusted pretty well and kept it a lot closer than most folks thought. I'm not disappointed. Especially when I look at what they have coming back next year. Good things are coming to Cougar Bball. At least I no longer have to listen to "One and Done" chants from a certain, unspecified fan base.
K State's victory combined with Kansas choking to death and Georgetown's mighty collapse to decimate my picks. Suddenly one side of my bracket looks as empty as the inside of my skull. Bad news.
For this update, I left two extra numbers on; both the score and the number of correct picks plus the number of correct picks still possible in each player's bracket and what score they could achieve if they get all the rest of it correct.
No post tomorrow, but I'll be back on Monday.
Enjoy your Sunday.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)