As soon as Beak gets here to take the kids, I get to spend the weekend gorging on High School Wrestling. Ahhh, now there is a relaxing way to spend some time. Since I can't coach yet, I wanted to be an official, but surprisingly, my vision is too good. I'm not allowed to drive a car or play with powertools, but I'm not blind enough to be a ref.
Just my luck.
I fixed hot dogs for lunch. Reaggers told me that she didn't want fries. I told her that she was going to get fries and she was going to eat them. I got the kids sat down to eat and then went in the other room to change the baby. In the kitchen, I hear Reaggers say to Peff, "Here, Peff. You like fries, eat mine. I don't mind, you can have them." I shook my head, but didn't say anything. (I am learning to pick my battles a little more carefully.)
Then, as I'm putting the baby's drawers back on him, Reaggers comes in holding her empty bowl and says, "I ate all my fries, can I have some more hot dogs?"
I laughed and said to her "No you didn't. You gave your fries to Peff. I heard you."
She looks at me with eyes that might have come from a great white shark. "That wasn't me," she said.
"It was a little girl voice" I told her. "It must have been you."
"It was some other little girl. I ate my fries."
I laughed again, and she got really mad. She took a really deep breath and looked like she was going to scream. All of a sudden, she exhales, visibly relaxes and shifts tack altogether. She busts out her best puppydog look, complete with batting eyelashes.
"Please, can I have some more hot dogs?"
I laughed. I wasn't born yesterday. I know a future salesman when I see one. She got her hot dogs. And more fries. HA!
Peff was ecstatic.
Gotta go. It's off to the wrestles for me.
Have a great weekend!
Friday, January 8, 2010
Thursday, January 7, 2010
New Short Story
For today's post, I put up the short story that I wrote after my little brother's death. I gotta tell ya, that thing is still hard for me to read, and I wrote the flippin' thing.
I will not go into the details of how this story came to be, but I will tell you that it is as close to a "vision" that I expect I will ever have. I felt compelled to type it all in one sitting, and it felt like Ryan was standing over my shoulder the whole time I wrote.
If you have not yet read my "History of the Blog" posts, you should do so before reading the story, it'll make more sense that way.
Because of its length, I changed the date to pre-date all the other posts so it would not push other posts down the food chain too far. You can find it by clicking the link above my profile on the side of the page, or by going all the way back to the begining of the blog
I would really appreciate your comments on this story, even if you have read it before.
I am VERY curious to see what each of you think.
Thanks and good reading!
I will not go into the details of how this story came to be, but I will tell you that it is as close to a "vision" that I expect I will ever have. I felt compelled to type it all in one sitting, and it felt like Ryan was standing over my shoulder the whole time I wrote.
If you have not yet read my "History of the Blog" posts, you should do so before reading the story, it'll make more sense that way.
Because of its length, I changed the date to pre-date all the other posts so it would not push other posts down the food chain too far. You can find it by clicking the link above my profile on the side of the page, or by going all the way back to the begining of the blog
I would really appreciate your comments on this story, even if you have read it before.
I am VERY curious to see what each of you think.
Thanks and good reading!
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
This Week's Sign the World is Going to Hell in a FedEx Envelope
Uncle C just picked up Reaggers for preschool. I turned on Winnie the Pooh for Peff and Bub.
Eeyore marches across the screen and Peff shouts, "Dad! Look! It's Donkey from 'Shrek'.
Not sure what's rolling faster; my eyes, or A.A. Milne in his grave.
It's absolutely, positively, going to get there overnight!
Eeyore marches across the screen and Peff shouts, "Dad! Look! It's Donkey from 'Shrek'.
Not sure what's rolling faster; my eyes, or A.A. Milne in his grave.
It's absolutely, positively, going to get there overnight!
Your Taste is All In Your Mouth...Or Is It?
Aunt M and Uncle J came over for dinner last night.
Instead of drawing for gifts, we kids have spent the last few Christmases drawing for treats. The rule is you can only spend 20 bucks, packaged or homemade. This year we swapped treats with Aunt M.
On New Years Eve, she brought us enough ice cream to build an igloo and enough toppings to paint its walls. In return, the Boss busted out her sweet and sour meatballs, fried rice and egg rolls.
Now, I don't mean to brag (yes I do), but there is a reason that the talking scale starts to scream when it sees me coming. I would not be pushing three and a half bills if the Boss was burning toast and salting the kool-aid. In addition to being smart,beautiful, and the mother of my children, the woman can FLAT OUT COOK!! And sweet and sour meatballs are one of her "show off" meals.
They are AWESOME! Ask Aunt M, she'll tell ya.
Anyway, sweet and sour meatballs means leftover white rice in the fridge this morning and that means I made one of my specialties. Rice and raisins.
So easy a cave man can do it. Put the rice back in the rice cooker and cover it with milk. Dust the top with cinnamon and a sprinkle of nutmeg. Add a couple hand fulls of raisins (stale raisins actually work better than fresh ones), a cap full of vanilla and enough sugar to make Bob and Jillian devote an episode of "Biggest Loser" to calling you "The Great Satan". Turn the cooker back on and wait for the click. Pour cream or more milk over each serving to cool it off and watch your belt burst.
When I was in Taiwan, I lived on the stuff. The perfect missionary breakfast. High energy, low effort, and if you'll pardon the understatement, plentiful ingredients. You can also do a version with cocoa powder and chocolate chips, and once I made a holiday version that replaced the milk with egg nog, the raisins with cranberry raisins, and added the zest and juice of one orange. But it's hard to beat the original.
That's why I was surprised when Reaggers refused to eat hers this morning. From the time her mom drops her off until she gets picked up, the child wants to eat. But when I handed her a bowl of rice and raisins, she turned up her nose at it and refused to take it. She would not even smell it.
What the heck?
Last night her mother called me. I asked how Bub was feeling since when he was here yesterday he had gotten into some Reese's Pieces. Not good for a kid with peanut allergies (see previous postings). She said Bub was fine. I told Beak that I didn't like to fix peanut butter sandwiches for Peff and Reaggers anymore for fear Bub would try to steal a bite.
Beak said it was OK and then told me that this was why she was calling. She had a bloggable story about Reaggers and peanut butter. It seems they were watching TV when someone said that chocolate and peanut butter was the perfect combination.
Reaggers took umbrage with this and said that it was NOT the perfect combination. Beak, knowing the answer already by sad experience, asked Reaggers what she thought was the perfect combination for peanut butter.
Without hesitation, Reaggers shouted....
...."Ham!"
(shudder)
Apparently, the child really, really likes peanut butter and ham sandwiches. But not rice and raisins.
Yeah. I know.
Whoever first used the insult "your taste is all in your mouth" never met my niece.
He can find her on EBay.
Instead of drawing for gifts, we kids have spent the last few Christmases drawing for treats. The rule is you can only spend 20 bucks, packaged or homemade. This year we swapped treats with Aunt M.
On New Years Eve, she brought us enough ice cream to build an igloo and enough toppings to paint its walls. In return, the Boss busted out her sweet and sour meatballs, fried rice and egg rolls.
Now, I don't mean to brag (yes I do), but there is a reason that the talking scale starts to scream when it sees me coming. I would not be pushing three and a half bills if the Boss was burning toast and salting the kool-aid. In addition to being smart,beautiful, and the mother of my children, the woman can FLAT OUT COOK!! And sweet and sour meatballs are one of her "show off" meals.
They are AWESOME! Ask Aunt M, she'll tell ya.
Anyway, sweet and sour meatballs means leftover white rice in the fridge this morning and that means I made one of my specialties. Rice and raisins.
So easy a cave man can do it. Put the rice back in the rice cooker and cover it with milk. Dust the top with cinnamon and a sprinkle of nutmeg. Add a couple hand fulls of raisins (stale raisins actually work better than fresh ones), a cap full of vanilla and enough sugar to make Bob and Jillian devote an episode of "Biggest Loser" to calling you "The Great Satan". Turn the cooker back on and wait for the click. Pour cream or more milk over each serving to cool it off and watch your belt burst.
When I was in Taiwan, I lived on the stuff. The perfect missionary breakfast. High energy, low effort, and if you'll pardon the understatement, plentiful ingredients. You can also do a version with cocoa powder and chocolate chips, and once I made a holiday version that replaced the milk with egg nog, the raisins with cranberry raisins, and added the zest and juice of one orange. But it's hard to beat the original.
That's why I was surprised when Reaggers refused to eat hers this morning. From the time her mom drops her off until she gets picked up, the child wants to eat. But when I handed her a bowl of rice and raisins, she turned up her nose at it and refused to take it. She would not even smell it.
What the heck?
Last night her mother called me. I asked how Bub was feeling since when he was here yesterday he had gotten into some Reese's Pieces. Not good for a kid with peanut allergies (see previous postings). She said Bub was fine. I told Beak that I didn't like to fix peanut butter sandwiches for Peff and Reaggers anymore for fear Bub would try to steal a bite.
Beak said it was OK and then told me that this was why she was calling. She had a bloggable story about Reaggers and peanut butter. It seems they were watching TV when someone said that chocolate and peanut butter was the perfect combination.
Reaggers took umbrage with this and said that it was NOT the perfect combination. Beak, knowing the answer already by sad experience, asked Reaggers what she thought was the perfect combination for peanut butter.
Without hesitation, Reaggers shouted....
...."Ham!"
(shudder)
Apparently, the child really, really likes peanut butter and ham sandwiches. But not rice and raisins.
Yeah. I know.
Whoever first used the insult "your taste is all in your mouth" never met my niece.
He can find her on EBay.
Tuesday, January 5, 2010
Air Raid
OK, I'm supposed to be washing dishes and cleaning the house because Auntie M is coming over for dinner tonight. But I'm going to take ten seconds to post in case I don't have time later.
Discipline!!
Reaggers and Bub got here at 6:30 this morning. Peff and Reaggers have been fighting all morning, and one or another of them has broken into random sobs every thirty seconds. It's almost like a choir.
WHAAAA!!! (pause) Bwahoooo!!! (pause)RGHAAAH!!! (pause) SSSSTTTOOOOP LOOOOOKINGGG AAATTT MMMMEEEEEE!!! (pause) MMMMIINNNNE!!!... (Fatdaddy pulling out both of the rest of his hairs and reaching for the Tylenol)
And the worst of them is Squizzles. I don't know what has gotten into that kid, but it better get out of that kid or he's going on EBAY. He's hit another growth spurt and is trying to decide if he wants to walk or not. He'll do it as soon as he decides it's his idea and not someone else's (he may look like his Momma, but the attitude is all Daddy). In the mean time he has decided that now is a good time to get extra clingy. If someone (and by someone I mean Mommy) isn't holding him, he turns into a human air raid siren.
The Boss took the girls to school and then went to the store to get some stuff for dinner. I started fighting with the other runts and trying to clean. Squizzles began auditioning for an Iron Maiden tribute band.
Seriously. I know I heard "The Trooper" and "Run to the Hills" while he was trapped in his high chair. I'm just glad he passed out before he could start on "Number of the Beast". I'm thinking about scoring some 'roids just to drop his voice an octave.
I'm honestly not sure where he learned to scream like that (wink,wink;nod,nod), but I've decided not to get his hair cut today like the Boss planned. There's too much money to be had singing for a Hair Band.
At least he's asleep for a bit. Better go do something productive before the Boss gets back and catches me sitting on my butt.
More later if I get the time.
*********
I'm so ticked!
The Boss walks in, gives the baby a couple of chicken nuggets and suddenly he's all cherubic smiles and silly faces. Oedipus Rex indeed! I am sleeping in a bullet proof vest from now on.
Discipline!!
Reaggers and Bub got here at 6:30 this morning. Peff and Reaggers have been fighting all morning, and one or another of them has broken into random sobs every thirty seconds. It's almost like a choir.
WHAAAA!!! (pause) Bwahoooo!!! (pause)RGHAAAH!!! (pause) SSSSTTTOOOOP LOOOOOKINGGG AAATTT MMMMEEEEEE!!! (pause) MMMMIINNNNE!!!... (Fatdaddy pulling out both of the rest of his hairs and reaching for the Tylenol)
And the worst of them is Squizzles. I don't know what has gotten into that kid, but it better get out of that kid or he's going on EBAY. He's hit another growth spurt and is trying to decide if he wants to walk or not. He'll do it as soon as he decides it's his idea and not someone else's (he may look like his Momma, but the attitude is all Daddy). In the mean time he has decided that now is a good time to get extra clingy. If someone (and by someone I mean Mommy) isn't holding him, he turns into a human air raid siren.
The Boss took the girls to school and then went to the store to get some stuff for dinner. I started fighting with the other runts and trying to clean. Squizzles began auditioning for an Iron Maiden tribute band.
Seriously. I know I heard "The Trooper" and "Run to the Hills" while he was trapped in his high chair. I'm just glad he passed out before he could start on "Number of the Beast". I'm thinking about scoring some 'roids just to drop his voice an octave.
I'm honestly not sure where he learned to scream like that (wink,wink;nod,nod), but I've decided not to get his hair cut today like the Boss planned. There's too much money to be had singing for a Hair Band.
At least he's asleep for a bit. Better go do something productive before the Boss gets back and catches me sitting on my butt.
More later if I get the time.
*********
I'm so ticked!
The Boss walks in, gives the baby a couple of chicken nuggets and suddenly he's all cherubic smiles and silly faces. Oedipus Rex indeed! I am sleeping in a bullet proof vest from now on.
Monday, January 4, 2010
Post Holiday Bits and Pieces
Well. That was a long two weeks, wasn't it? The girls went back to school this morning (HOORAY!!!!), and Bub and Reaggers came back too. I don't really feel all that recharged, to be honest with you. About the only difference between having Beak's kids and having the girls home was the type of shows on TV. We went from Max and Ruby to Zach and Cody; and from Spongebob to Hannah. And iCarly (shudder). I thought Max and Ruby was inane. An hour of iCarly and it was time for iwannaputmy headthroughawall. Whatever happened to Elmer Fudd and Roadrunner?
My salvation came on New Years Eve when the Stooges marathon came on. Now, that's quality programing! Even Peff decided that the Three Stooges are funny. The downside is that I have spent the last three days hearing "Nyuk,Nyuk,Nyuk!" and "Why I oughta...!".
Puzilla may be the first person in the world to cry her way through a Curly, Larry and Moe short. We were watching the one where the desperate woman leaves her baby on the porch for the Stooges to take care of. Puzey got so mad. She started sobbing like her six year old heart would break and said to me, "What a mean Mommy! She's not nice to leave her baby like that. I don't like this show!"
She cried for the rest of the fifteen minutes and all the face slapping and eye gouges in the world were not enough to change her mind. That mommy was mean!!
Puzey actually gets the award for the line of the week, too. The Boss had to go in and do her month end inventory count and so I let the girls stay up until midnight if they could. Puzey is such a scrawny kid that if her schedule gets out of whack, she gets headaches and nausea.
About 11:30 or so she comes into the kitchen and says to me, "I think that New Years is not a good holiday for little girls whose names start with the letter 'P' and end with 'uzilla'. It makes them sick and they want to go to bed." Who says first graders have trouble with spelling?
I have to agree with her though. 2009 made me kinda queasy, too. It beat 2008, but not by much. I hope this year goes a little better. I think we're due for a good year. Slumps can't last forever, can they?
(Insert random Cub fan joke here)
Saturday morning we loaded everyone into the cars and went to Burley for my grandmother's birthday party. They held it at a very nice little steak house. I got to visit with cousins that I hadn't seen in years. Grandma seemed quite surprised to find about 70 people waiting in the restraunt for her.
Since about half the family was too far away to make it, it dawned on me just how big we have gotten. The days of squishing everyone into Grandma's basement for thanksgiving dinner are LONG GONE. If we tried to sit everyone down for dinner now, we'd need the Delta Center. I teased Grandma that she'd never read Abraham's promised blessing of having posterity "like the sands of the sea" quite the same way again. She and Grandpa may not have a beach yet, but they have a sandbox big enough to play a pretty good game of volleyball.
It was fun to see everyone and being in Burley reminded me of some more Grandpa stories that I'll post when I get the time. For now, I'll see about posting some of the holiday pictures we took over the last two weeks.
Happy New Year!
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