Sorry I've been down for a couple of days, the Boss has been working nights doing a lot of work from home during the day which requires the use of the laptop. Combine that with the fact that she hadn't been able to play her favorite games for a while and it seemed prudent to turn her laptop back over to her for a couple of days.
I did get some good stuff though.
Wednesday Bub, Reaggers, and Peff were playing "camp out". The Boss had worked a graveyard and was downstairs sleeping and I was putting Squizz down for a nap when I heard the three of them talking. It was pretty funny. They were pretending to toast smores over the heat vent in the living room and Peff told them he was going to tell them a "Ghost Story". So I put the baby down and grabbed a pen and started to scribble notes so I could retell it later. The conversation went like this:
Peff: "There were some barbies, and they all went to a camp out to ride some horses. But the horses were all hooked up to a carriage that was all black. They got into the carriage and it took them to this mountain, and then they all DIED!!!"
****Editors Note
Someone was watching closer than I thought when I tried to show them Darby O'Gill and the Little People on St. Patrick's day.
****
Reaggers: "Nu-uh. Barbies like horses."
Peff: OK, they were kidnapped by aliens and the aliens tried to kill them but the Barbies cut the aliens heads off and there were wires and stuff sticking out of them because they were robot aliens, and then they died. Now shut your pie-holes and eat some smores."
Reaggers: "Wait! The smores are burning! Get the flashlight!"
Peff(singing his own little campfire song):
"Roar! It's only me, telling a ghost story,
Not some scary 6th grader.
It's not real, just a ghost story,
It's not real, It's not scary.
It's just me....Roar!...hey look, there's a dinosaur!! Argghhh!"
Reaggers: "That's not a dinosaur, that's my lost puppy that ran away. He's been hiding in the woods, and he's going to save the barbies on the scooters from the aliens!"
Peff: "Feed him some smores."
Reaggers: "No. He ran away, he's a naughty dog."
Peff: "Fine. Dumb doggie. Get lost. We don't need you."
It was at this point that I realized that Bub was the "doggie" and he seemed more than a little upset that he would not be partaking of the alleged "Smores". At least he didn't try to pee on my floor.
I thought they showed some clever imagination (though not witout some overly violent themes...but hey, they are DESTROYING angels) and the more I read Peff's "Song" the more impressed I was with it. He did it off the top of his head and it's not really bad stuff for a kid who can't read yet. I especially like the A.D.D.-esque "Hey look, there's a dinosaur" ending.
Friday, April 2, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Things That Are Fun To Do
Puzilla came home from school yesterday and gave me permission to tell her funny story. I think the lure of fame overcame her embarrassment of people laughing. I'm really glad because I wasn't going to break my promise but I really wanted to record this one.
We went to church on Sunday, and right after the meetings, our neighbor cornered the Boss. This neighbor is a very funny lady who loves to be a wise-cracker. Example: I have a large BYU decal on the back of my van. Her "Fatal Flaw" is that she likes the Utes.
****Editor's Note
Anyone who doesn't live around here needs to know that in Utah you are a Red Utah Ute or a Blue BYU Cougar and that's about it (I know Bircher Bunch; there are about twenty five or thirty Aggie fans, but even the Utah State guys choose sides for BYU-Utah). It is a bitter, mean spirited, ugly rivalry. Think Redsox-Yankees, but if they were forced to live in the same house. More along the lines of Celtic versus Rangers, but without the firebombs (at least so far).
****
This neighbor loves to stop by the house now and then, take the BYU magnet off the back of the van and bring it to the door. When I answer her knock, she tells me that some miserable teenage vandals have been defacing my auto with vulgar and obscene graffiti.
I told you; she's a real pip.
And as my wife so perfectly framed it, she and Puzilla are "matches and gasoline". Their goofy senses of humor are nearly identical. So on Sunday, the neighbor cornered the Boss and told her this classic.
"I was leading the music in Primary and we were singing 'Fun to Do'".
****Editor's Note
"Fun to Do" is a cute little song they sing in Primary now and then that is designed to get small children to focus their attention and have them ready to listen to that week's lesson. It's a fill in the blank song with an easy, catchy, tune. A child gets chosen to pick something they like to do and then all the kids sing, "________ is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do! _________ is fun to do, to do, to do, to do!"
Then another kid gets to pick something new and they sing it again with the new fill in the blank. They do this 4 or 5 times, and the kids will all be paying attention and sitting quietly in the hope that they'll get to pick the next thing that is fun to do. Then they can start the lesson.
****
The neighbor then tells the Boss that she was looking for someone to tell her what they like to do when Puzilla's hand shot up like a rocket. So she called on her and Puzey said "Drinking Pepto Bismol!"
****Editor's Note
Don't ask me, I'm just the Stay-at-home Dad. I have no idea where the H she came up with that one. I'm going to go with...she was raised by wolves.
****
The neighbor, being who she is, decided that this was absolutely perfect ( I warned you...Matches and Gasoline). So she led the entire primary (forty or so kids) in a rousing verse of "Drinking Pepto is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do, Drinking Pepto is fun to do, to do, to do, to do." I seriously doubt if any of them had any idea what Pepto is for, and only my little Puzey would think that drinking that chalky, peppermint goo for an upset stomach would actually be "Fun to do".
I guess that as soon as they were finished (don't ask me how the adults in there kept a straight face, there is simply no way they were not rolling on the floor), Puzey shot her hand into the air again.
Not wanting to miss any more gems, the neighbor called on her again. Puzey purportedly said...
"Um...I think I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing. It was supposed to be drinking Amoxicillin."
Apparently time (and the inability to stop laughing) did not allow for a second verse.
It's OK, sweetheart. I get you. It can be tough to keep all those delicious, pink medicines separate, can't it? It's probably for the best. "Drinking Amoxicillin is fun to do" just doesn't have the same pep (pardon the pun) as "Drinking Pepto is Fun to do".
The story is even better if you've had a chance to hear Puzey's faint, wispy voice tell it. She got a little embarrassed because she wasn't trying to be funny, but she sure as heck was.
****Editor's Note
The extra punch for this comes from the fact that my mother happens to be good friends with the nice woman who wrote "Fun to DO". How ironic. I'll bet nobody has ever hit the spirit of her message quite as well as Puzey. She's nothing if not one of a kind.
We went to church on Sunday, and right after the meetings, our neighbor cornered the Boss. This neighbor is a very funny lady who loves to be a wise-cracker. Example: I have a large BYU decal on the back of my van. Her "Fatal Flaw" is that she likes the Utes.
****Editor's Note
Anyone who doesn't live around here needs to know that in Utah you are a Red Utah Ute or a Blue BYU Cougar and that's about it (I know Bircher Bunch; there are about twenty five or thirty Aggie fans, but even the Utah State guys choose sides for BYU-Utah). It is a bitter, mean spirited, ugly rivalry. Think Redsox-Yankees, but if they were forced to live in the same house. More along the lines of Celtic versus Rangers, but without the firebombs (at least so far).
****
This neighbor loves to stop by the house now and then, take the BYU magnet off the back of the van and bring it to the door. When I answer her knock, she tells me that some miserable teenage vandals have been defacing my auto with vulgar and obscene graffiti.
I told you; she's a real pip.
And as my wife so perfectly framed it, she and Puzilla are "matches and gasoline". Their goofy senses of humor are nearly identical. So on Sunday, the neighbor cornered the Boss and told her this classic.
"I was leading the music in Primary and we were singing 'Fun to Do'".
****Editor's Note
"Fun to Do" is a cute little song they sing in Primary now and then that is designed to get small children to focus their attention and have them ready to listen to that week's lesson. It's a fill in the blank song with an easy, catchy, tune. A child gets chosen to pick something they like to do and then all the kids sing, "________ is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do! _________ is fun to do, to do, to do, to do!"
Then another kid gets to pick something new and they sing it again with the new fill in the blank. They do this 4 or 5 times, and the kids will all be paying attention and sitting quietly in the hope that they'll get to pick the next thing that is fun to do. Then they can start the lesson.
****
The neighbor then tells the Boss that she was looking for someone to tell her what they like to do when Puzilla's hand shot up like a rocket. So she called on her and Puzey said "Drinking Pepto Bismol!"
****Editor's Note
Don't ask me, I'm just the Stay-at-home Dad. I have no idea where the H she came up with that one. I'm going to go with...she was raised by wolves.
****
The neighbor, being who she is, decided that this was absolutely perfect ( I warned you...Matches and Gasoline). So she led the entire primary (forty or so kids) in a rousing verse of "Drinking Pepto is fun to do, fun to do, fun to do, Drinking Pepto is fun to do, to do, to do, to do." I seriously doubt if any of them had any idea what Pepto is for, and only my little Puzey would think that drinking that chalky, peppermint goo for an upset stomach would actually be "Fun to do".
I guess that as soon as they were finished (don't ask me how the adults in there kept a straight face, there is simply no way they were not rolling on the floor), Puzey shot her hand into the air again.
Not wanting to miss any more gems, the neighbor called on her again. Puzey purportedly said...
"Um...I think I made a mistake. I said the wrong thing. It was supposed to be drinking Amoxicillin."
Apparently time (and the inability to stop laughing) did not allow for a second verse.
It's OK, sweetheart. I get you. It can be tough to keep all those delicious, pink medicines separate, can't it? It's probably for the best. "Drinking Amoxicillin is fun to do" just doesn't have the same pep (pardon the pun) as "Drinking Pepto is Fun to do".
The story is even better if you've had a chance to hear Puzey's faint, wispy voice tell it. She got a little embarrassed because she wasn't trying to be funny, but she sure as heck was.
****Editor's Note
The extra punch for this comes from the fact that my mother happens to be good friends with the nice woman who wrote "Fun to DO". How ironic. I'll bet nobody has ever hit the spirit of her message quite as well as Puzey. She's nothing if not one of a kind.
Monday, March 29, 2010
A New Haiku By Haggis
"A Scene You'll Never See in a MouseHouse Film..."
As my Prince rides up
I realize he's not right
And so I shout..."Next"!!
The kid's a regular Wordsworth, ain't she?
Just a Stanza from her Old Man's "lyrical ballad".
She had her teacher laughing like crazy over it and got it read in front of the whole class.
As my Prince rides up
I realize he's not right
And so I shout..."Next"!!
The kid's a regular Wordsworth, ain't she?
Just a Stanza from her Old Man's "lyrical ballad".
She had her teacher laughing like crazy over it and got it read in front of the whole class.
Jesus and the Blond Man
I have a really funny story to tell that happened yesterday, but I have sworn not to post it until Puzilla gives me permission. It is highly entertaining, but when the Boss told me the story, the first words out of Puzilla's mouth were, "Dad, please don't post this on your blog!"
So I told her that I wouldn't, but since it is so hilarious and classic Puzilla/funny, I asked her to think about it and tell me when I can post it. In the mean time, I'll entertain you with a couple of similar moments from Destroying Angel Lore that are common knowledge in the family, but have yet to be recorded in Blog post form.
A few years ago, when Moe was 3 or 4, she had a series of terrific stories when she would come home from Primary (for the uninitiated, Primary is Mormon Sunday School for small children). Some we heard from her directly and others came from her teachers. Of those that came from the teachers, our favorite is this:
Primary teacher: "Your daughter Moe said something very funny today. We were talking about happy families and what they do for fun. I said that parents often go on dates together to have fun. Moe raised her hand and said 'My parents don't date, they hate each other.'"
Me: "Wow".
Boss: "Where'd she come up with that one?"
Teacher: "But you guys seem so...(Laugh)...happy...(snicker-giggle-chuckle)".
And from those that Moe told us herself we have:
"Ramona and the Paper Plates"
Me: "What did you learn today, Moe?"
Moe: "We learned about Ramona and the paper plates."
Me (Growing curious): "What's that one about?"
Moe: "There was this guy Ramona who burried some paper plates in the ground."
What she meant:
She was trying to retell the story of how the last Prophet to write on the Golden Plates (that would later be translated into the Book of Mormon)took the record that his father Mormon had abridged, and buried it for safe keeping. The Prophet's name was Moroni, not Ramona, and the plates were gold, not paper.
And lastly (for now) and my personal favorite (for obvious reasons)...
Boss: "So what did you learn about in Primary today, Moe?"
Moe: "There was this guy in the bible, and he was blond, and he went to Jesus and Jesus spit into the dirt and made some mud and rubbed it on the blond man's eyes, and then the Blond man could see and he was happy."
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't Jesus and the blind man?"
Moe: "No, Daddy. He was blond. But he couldn't see."
Me(thinking that it's time to start writing this stuff down). "Gotcha."
So I told her that I wouldn't, but since it is so hilarious and classic Puzilla/funny, I asked her to think about it and tell me when I can post it. In the mean time, I'll entertain you with a couple of similar moments from Destroying Angel Lore that are common knowledge in the family, but have yet to be recorded in Blog post form.
A few years ago, when Moe was 3 or 4, she had a series of terrific stories when she would come home from Primary (for the uninitiated, Primary is Mormon Sunday School for small children). Some we heard from her directly and others came from her teachers. Of those that came from the teachers, our favorite is this:
Primary teacher: "Your daughter Moe said something very funny today. We were talking about happy families and what they do for fun. I said that parents often go on dates together to have fun. Moe raised her hand and said 'My parents don't date, they hate each other.'"
Me: "Wow".
Boss: "Where'd she come up with that one?"
Teacher: "But you guys seem so...(Laugh)...happy...(snicker-giggle-chuckle)".
And from those that Moe told us herself we have:
"Ramona and the Paper Plates"
Me: "What did you learn today, Moe?"
Moe: "We learned about Ramona and the paper plates."
Me (Growing curious): "What's that one about?"
Moe: "There was this guy Ramona who burried some paper plates in the ground."
What she meant:
She was trying to retell the story of how the last Prophet to write on the Golden Plates (that would later be translated into the Book of Mormon)took the record that his father Mormon had abridged, and buried it for safe keeping. The Prophet's name was Moroni, not Ramona, and the plates were gold, not paper.
And lastly (for now) and my personal favorite (for obvious reasons)...
Boss: "So what did you learn about in Primary today, Moe?"
Moe: "There was this guy in the bible, and he was blond, and he went to Jesus and Jesus spit into the dirt and made some mud and rubbed it on the blond man's eyes, and then the Blond man could see and he was happy."
Me: "Are you sure it wasn't Jesus and the blind man?"
Moe: "No, Daddy. He was blond. But he couldn't see."
Me(thinking that it's time to start writing this stuff down). "Gotcha."
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