Away From the Things of Man- Day 3- Off At Sea

It has been warming up considerably here for the last few days and Spring is on it's way. I personally prefer winter (I can always put on a jacket or get a blanket but there are only so many clothes a guy like me can remove before someone calls the cops), but spring is nice.

Nice...except for the rotten allergies. And yesterday I knew I was in trouble. I figured whatever it was I was reacting to was something pretty awful because I downed some allergy pills and did nothing for the symptoms but did manage to make me dizzy (alright...dizzier) and somewhat incoherent (OK, OK)...more incoherent than usuall. Happy now? Smart alec readers.....

Not to be graphic, but usually a runny nose does not actually run. I gave up trying to dab at it with tissues and just stuffed some tissues up my nose and started mouth-breathing. The kids thought it was hilarious but the Boss was less than impressed with my homeade remedy. At least my nose doesn't feel like it has been dragged over asphault from constantly wiping with tissues. Remind me to be a little more patient next time Squizz needs his face washed and he's not cooperative...

I still feel pretty crappy. My sinuses have packed up and left their posts, my throat feels like I swallowed battery acid and my face feels like a half inflated helium ballon, but I will soldier on in the name of the blog.

Time for more happy vacation memories!!! I can almost taste the non-alcoholic fruity umbrella drinks. Mmmmm....

Day three was a sea day. We woke up at our accustomed time but waking up at six thirty Mountain time is eight thirty Eastern time, so it felt like we slept in (sort of).

When we had gone to bed, the water depth was about 600 feet and when we woke up, the bottom had fallen out of the ocean. 11,000 feet. That is a LOT of water. The map showed us passing some little islands, but we never did catch sight of them.




We went up for breakfast at the lido deck buffet. I had hashbrowns, bacon, ham, and a Bagel with OJ to drink. The Boss had French toast, eggs, ham, bacon and OJ. It was typical buffet food, tasty, but nothing I'd call gourmet. After breakfast, we went out and wandered around the deck. The temperature had shot up at least ten degrees overnight and though it was warm, the skies were overcast and the wind was ABLOWIN'! We went out to the nose of the ship and shot some pictures.





As we got toward the front, I was got a picture of the wheelhouse, though the "action" seemed to be on the other side, where the curtains were drawn.


The wind was blowing between 25 and 35 mph all day long so not many people were hitting the pool, though the hot tubs were usually full. We just walked around snapping pictures and noticing the change in the water color from Galeveston. When we left the water was the color of clay, but here in the middle of the Gulf it was a very dark blue that seemed to sparkle or even glow turquoise when it was rolled up in the ship's wake. We went out to the little deck that looked like a snubbed off wing and found a gyroscope and a compass, as well as a very nice view along the side of the boat. It seemed like we were just above the water surface from this spot, but when you look at the pictures I took from off the boat in port, you can see that it is really about five or six stories up.







After a nice long walk and half an hour in the deck chairs with a smoothie or two, we decided it was too windy to stay out on deck trying to read. We had lunch in our room because if room service is free, you use it. I had a steak and brie sandwich on a french roll and it was not nearly as good as it sounds. The boss had a portabello sandwich with mozzarrella that she said was pretty good. Choclate cake was dessert, and it was far and away the very best part of the meal.

I had wanted to surprise the Boss with a little something from the spa, but the only appointment she could get for her pedicure was at three o'clock, right in the middle of the Coke sponsored slot turnament. So after lunch she went to get her feet rubbed and I went to the casino to sign up. When I got there I found out that they had a hundred and fifty people there to play and only five machines so they were making appointments to come back and play at a later time. I talked to the travel agent who was running the show and asked if I could sign up for myself and the Boss to come back together. Not knowing how long a pedicure takes, I signed us up for the last time available before the finals at six.

This turned out to be a bad idea. I went back to the room and read until the Boss got done. We went up to the Casino and found that the tournament was already closed. They had gotten to the last people in line and not thought to check the later sign up times and forgot we were coming at six. I was disappointed but the gal in charge felt really bad about it and promised that she'd find us something to make up for it. She was more than slightly toasted though and completely forgot about it.

I cried and cried and cried. Here I was stuck on this giant boat with nothing but free fruity umbrella drinks and free food whenever you wanted it and nothing to do but go to dance clubs (OK, not really my cup of tea) and bingo games and a casino and shows and pools...and I couldn't play in a slots tournament. I was SO upset. It completely ruined my trip.

I've gone blind, my brother got killed, I'm broke as a two bit watch, and my college degree is as useless as a two legged hunting dog. But the worst thing that has ever happened to me was missing that slot tournament.

I may never recover.

The Boss helped me start the process by taking me over to a penny machine and throwing in twenty bucks. I took a picture of the machine because as soon as I saw it, I thought of my cousin Traci, who is another "Great Scot". So this one is for her.



It had sheep and floppy hats and golf clubs and bagpipes that would shoot sheep out of them if they lined up as a winner. If you got three Loch Ness monsters on a pay line, you got to go to the bonus where you could choose which monsters to take pictures of. Depending on the monster and the number of pictures you won, you got paid big bucks.

****Editor's Note
Keep in mind, it's a penny machine. You hit a really big bonus and you win ten dollars. I like to play but I'm not much of a gambler. I don't have the money. But there is something to be said for jumping up and down and hollering like your ship came in at a casino. People think you just won hundreds or thousands, and all you really got was ten bucks. You cheer and holler and carry on, and even if you lose, you can play on a penny machine for practically ever on twenty bucks. That's not much more than you'd pay to see a movie. Think of it like this...if you went to a grocery store you expect to hand them money and so you aren't sad if you do. But if someone said "You just chose the right aisle to walk down, here's ten bucks!" would you walk away sad? Didn't think so. Ten bucks is worth cheering about.
****

I have to admit that my heritage and cultural pride was stung a little. I saw that there was a Great Scot Machine and a Leprechaun Luck machine. This was OK by me. Celebrate the stereotypes that are me; says I.

But the fact that between the two was a "filthy rich little piggies" machine made me wonder.

Irish, Scots, and Filthy Piggies? Just what, exactly were they trying to say here?
I was really offended until the Boss lined up Nessie and we walked away up fifty five bucks. Not bad for an hours work. Fifty bucks an hour is more than I've ever made. As long as they kept doubling my money, they could make whatever disparaging remarks about my heritage that they wanted. I was the one laughing.

Well, as much as I'd like to finish today, I've got to go get ready for class, so the formal dinner will have to wait till later.

Away From the Things of Man Day 2-Mardi Gras and Dinner

Well, that weekend shot by like it came out of a rifle, didn't it? The "jet lag" caught up with the Boss and I on Saturday night and we slept right through the alarm on Sunday morning. Oops. I do now have significantly more energy to face the horde this morning though and I need it. The Angels have been into everything and they have been playing the divide and conquer game to perfection.

Let's say I needed to change and dress Squizzle but the diapers are downstairs. I took him down and trusted that the quality cartoon entertainment was enough to prevent disasters. As usual, I am mistaken. Bub finds the package of cookies left on the counter from making the girl's lunches. Reaggers and Peff pile all the couch cushions and pillows onto the living room floor and pull the dinning room chairs into the living room to serve as "tent poles" for their "Fort".

I set Squizzle down and try to wipe pink crumbs off Bub's face, while Peff and Squizzle decide that this is an excellent time to sample Squizzle's favorite delicacy; red licorice. Ever see what a one year old does with a piece of red licorice? He looks like a Picasso clown. I was so irritated that I threw him into the tub without taking a picture first. DOH!!!!

I now have the "fort" picked up, Squizzle washed off and in his chair, and the rest of the runts are dressed and upstairs fighting over the toy Nerf guns. I might get a minute to finish up Day 2.

Uh-hu. Here goes...

After lunch, we could go check out our rooms, and I have to say that for a inside (no window) room on a boat, it was not bad. It was clean; much bigger than I was expecting and didn't feel very claustrophobic at all.





The bathroom was a little on the small side but very clean and all the fixtures were working. Frankly it was a step up from the joint we stayed at in Houston; even if it was a little (OK a lot) smaller. I started thinking about how many rooms there were on the boat, and what a logistical nightmare the plumbing must be. Trying to cram all those pipes for every bathroom, plus the electrical for each room, air conditioning, not to mention all the space needed for normal boat operations...I bet there isn't three square inches of wasted space on a boat like that.

They had a behind the scenes tour of the boat that I thought would have been really cool to take, but it was seventy bucks a pop. I might have a curious nature, but I'm way too cheap to blow that kind of cash on a walking tour. Besides, they did have a TV channel in the room that was devoted to all kinds of trivia about how the ship worked. It showed the engine rooms (very cool), the electrical generators (enough juice to light up West Jordan), and the desalination plant. They also used waste heat from the generators to heat the water, so it was pretty much impossible to run out of hot water. Some very interesting info.

One of the other channels had information about the boat's navigation, like position, speed, wind direction, course, and ocean depth. I tried to get pics in the morning and before bed that would show where we were, or if the wind was blowing really hard or if the water was extra deep. I thought it might be like a kind of passengers log.


We got unpacked and then headed up to the Mardi Gras party that Coke was throwing for our group. We got cokes and hors d'oeuvres (What an asinine way to spell a word) and they tossed cheap plastic beads at us. The Boss and I hunted down as many strands as we could because, hey...Free treats for the girls!!! I also got to wear a ridiculous foil "snitch" hat.

They played a scavenger hunt game but we didn't come close to winning. The food was good and it was fun to watch others make dopes of themselves.

When it was over, we went to dinner in the dining room. I had a duck salad (really good; it was cold, smoked duck and tasted a little like ham), a tasty steak with garlic mashed potatoes and curried carrots, and Blackforest cake for dessert.

The Boss had broccoli cheese soup (she said it was OK but more broccoli than cheese which is actually an unforgivable sin) BBQ ribs, and cheesecake for dessert. The cheesecake was a real disappointment, apparently. Almost everyone at the table ordered it and not one person finished their piece. It had a funny taste that no one was very impressed with. The one thing that the Boss was looking most forward too, and they blew it. Oh well. Overall, dinner was a thumbs up from me and a neutral from the Boss. We said our goodnights, and went to bed, but not before I caught the tail end of the US whooping up on the Fins in Hockey. We also found that our room steward, in a Carnival cruise tradition, had done a turndown service, leaving mints, a schedule for the next day's activities, and a towl animal. The first night it was this sealion with sunglasses

It was not a bad way to spend a day. And I enjoyed every second of it.

Pictures of Galveston Harbor

This is the loading area for the boat. They had two huge tanker trucks pulled up in here pumping deisel when we were getting on the ship via the ramp you can see in the distance. I don't even want to think about the fuel bill for this beastie!


From the roof of the boat looking forward. Doesn't seem that high up until you look at the pictures of the ship from ground level. The wind was really whipping up here.

Away From the Things of Man-Day 2, Boarding

Reaggers and Bub are back this morning, and thanks to parent/teacher conferences, the girls are home as well.

Moe just came down from bed and asked me, "Are these kids this noisy every morning?"

I just laughed at her.

"Come on, guys! Let's go up to my room and play the 'quiet game'!" she said.

Bless her innocent heart! Good luck with that one, kiddo. I admire your spunk. Let me know how it turns out.

Alright, back to warm memories. I'll need them today, as we woke up to half a foot of white stuff on the lawn.




I swear I was standing on a pier this week in 90 degree weather.

Now I will say this for the hotel we stayed at. The office chair was like a perpetual motion machine. I sat down and gave it my customary spin and honestly, I haven't spun that much since me and Uncle B tried to make ourselves barf on the teacups at disneyworld ten years ago. That was one well packed set of bearings. If nothing else, they get high marks for free spinning office chairs.

We slept pretty well, and had no problem getting dressed and ready to go to breakfast before the eight thirty alarm even went off. We went down to the cafe and used our "cup'ns" for breakfast. I had an apple danish, orange juice, and because I was in the South; biscuits and gravy. Not bad, but the gravy was in serious need of Tabasco and salt.

The Boss had french toast, hash browns and OJ. We had a nice little chat with the manager who was a Rockets fan, and so I had to tease her a bit because I was wearing my Jazz hat.

We went for a little walk around the hotel but it was dang windy and the Boss forgot her jacket, so we beat a hasty retreat back to the room to make sure we were ready to go. We sat in the lobby for a bit and then the buses showed up to take us to Galveston. There were perhaps a hundred people in our group; a third from Utah and Colorado, and the rest from Texas, Arkansas, and Oklahoma. We loaded up the buses, and I fired up the camera.

Since we live in the huge bowl that is the Salt Lake Valley, our kids have no idea how flat the rest of the country is. I pulled out the camera and started snapping away to give them an idea of Houston geography. Flat, flat, flat. Real, live, horizons. And of course the obligatory shots of the stilt houses along the Galveston coast.








****Editors Note
Hey Blogger people: Do you folks realize what a pain in the rump your picture upload system is? Its taken me six months to figure out how to put a picture in the middle of a post, and I still can't get them to line up the way I want. Not to mention the five minute wait for EVERY download. What the crap is wrong with "Click and Point"?
****

We got to Galveston and saw the boat. I saw it first on the camera because it was still way too far for my bad eyes to make out. But the Boss worked out a nice system of taking pictures with the zoom lens and then I could see what she was talking about on the camera display. It was a neat little trick that we used most of the vacation.




By the way, see if you can guess which of the following pictures I took!

We got to the terminal and got our luggage to the porters while we began the long process of check-in, clearing security, and boarding. Most of that process is done in a no camera zone, so I didn't get many pictures, but I do have one funny story.






We had been very worried about our paperwork, particularly mine. I haven't been able to drive for several years and my license expired long ago. I hadn't ever needed ID for anything so I did not have one of the state issued ID cards.

We knew we were already on thin ice because we were sailing on birth certificates instead of passports. It turns out that you can ONLY do this if you are leaving and re-entering the US from the same port. But since we didn't have a passport, we had to make sure that all the other ducks were in a row. The old Fatdaddy luck kicked in and my ID card did not make it through the mail in time so all I had was the temporary paper ID and my birth certificate.

The travel agent told us we would be fine, but I know how my luck is so I had visions of waving to my wife as she sailed to Mexico, while I slept on a bench in the customs office of Galveston.

When we got to the check-in desk (after nearly an hour of wandering past various checkpoints and security stations) they looked at my papers and handed me my boarding pass. They looked at the Boss's papers and said something to the effect that since some of her ID had her maiden name and some of it her married name, she might have to provide extra ID to get back in to the country. Lucky for us the Boss had such ID, and it was not a problem. But I found it utterly hilarious that after all the worry over my ID, it was the Boss's that raised eyebrows.

We finally got on the boat around noon, but the rooms were not ready until one thirty. We went to the Lido deck where a reggae band was playing, and lunch was being served. I saved us a table while the Boss went to get us something to eat. I snapped a pic with my camera phone and sent it to Uncle T, who texted back that I was a jerk, but he wanted me to have fun anyway.

The Boss came back with Mongolian BBQ (which wasn't bad), goat cheese and mushroom pizza (which was probably the tastiest thing we ate all week), and big tall glasses of the previously saluted lemonade.




After lunch, we wandered around the boat taking pictures of the harbor, our boat, other boats, and a dry dock (Peff liked that one). I think that I'll post those on a seperate post below this one since they are sight seeing pics and don't require much explanaton.

Soon it was time to muster for the safety drills though thankfully we didn't have to actually put on life jackets or do life boat drills. Beak said that when she and Uncle C went to Alaska on their cruise they had to do all that stuff, and it took forever. We didn't have to do all that, but going to the muster station meant that I didn't get to watch us pull away from the dock. But as my sea-faring grandfather would say, it was "Anchors Aweigh!"

Away From the Things of Man-Day 1

Alrighty then...I got my notebook out, my photo album up in another window, and I don't have Reaggers or Bub today. Squizzle is still sleeping (hallelujah!) and Peff is glued to the Lego Batman controls. So settle in for a nice long post.

Last Tuesday, I got done with class at 8:30, took the train to West Jordan and had Aunt M and Uncle J bring me home. The house was mostly picked up, but we still had to get everybody packed and all the last minute details worked out. By the time the kids were in bed and the Boss and I could get to work it was nearly 10. We finished packing at about 1 A.M, then had to print off the "permission to treat" forms, schedules, maps and phone numbers for who would have the kids and when.

It is at this point that I will once again give credit and thanks to those brave souls who were willing to increase their usual workload by five so that the Boss and I could do this. The Boss's sister, Aunt J and her husband Uncle D get thanks and love for accepting the difficult task of getting the kids to school and back each day, and housing them from Wednesday to Friday and then again Sunday night until we got home.

Aunt M and Aunt Beak took the kids for the weekend, in spite of the fact that it was Beak's anniversary on Sunday. If I had known that, I would have found alternative lodgings for my brood. Coming from a man who once bought a toilet snake for his anniversary and spent the day trying to remove the comb and two hot wheels cars that Peff had flushed down the toilet, I can say that Beak deserved better for her anniversary than keeping Destroying Angels from burning her house to the snowline.

While I'm on the subject, thanks to Uncles C and J for fixing a home repair problem while we were gone that had been bugging me for a while. You guys rock.

Also, My mother and Uncle T spent time with Squizzle and Peff on Friday and for that I thank them also. The Boss's Mother went with Haggis (AKA the Eldest) to her young women's "new beginnings night", while my Mom took Moe to her mother-daughter activity on Friday, and to numerous family members were in attendance at Haggis's last basketball game on Wednesday. Thank you all.

For a reward, each of the previously mentioned Aunts will receive from the Cozumel Fairy a bottle of real Vanilla extract and a bracelet. All the Uncles will receive a copy of my two favorite photos from the trip(get your minds out of the gutter! It ain't what you're thinking!...Sort of).

Back to the trip. We finally got to bed at about two or two thirty and since we had an eight A.M. flight, we had to be at the airport no later than six. So it was back up at five, marched the kids to the van and filled it with enough bags to make Paris Hilton blush (or whatever it is she does if she ever feels shame). We said family prayer and then dumped the kids on Aunt J while Uncle D took us to the airport.

We cleared security much faster than anticipated although part of that was due to the fact that I had to take my belt off. This meant they really didn't need a metal detector or even one of those fancy "strip search" machines, 'cause my drawers about fell off and they could have done a visual.

****Editor;s Note
I can think of so many airport security jokes right here that they have all just lodged together into one giant traffic jam of thoughts best left unspoken. So feel free to invent your own and insert it here.
****

In spite of the fairly dense (for Salt Lake anyway) fog, our plane to Denver left pretty close to on time. Thanks to on-line early check in, we had a boarding number in the twenties so we could pretty much pick where we wanted to sit. I thought it would be nice to have more leg room by sitting up front, but all it really meant was no table tray and a nasty sense of claustrophobia from staring at a wall for the whole trip. The flight was smooth and the landing smoother. We had an hour to kill in Enver (still can't find a "d" in that city)so we grabbed a bite to eat (Mmmm...Airport Nachos for breakfast!) and made fun of the weirdos who inevitably inhabit Airport Terminal lobbies.

We saw the New Mexico Lobos basketball team on their way to play at Air Force and if I had known then all the nice things their coach was going to say about my BYU team, I'd have returned the favor for old JT. Jerks.

One other thing I noticed about the Denver Airport...it is in the middle of NOWHERE! I've seen more crowded neighborhoods in the heart of the Bonneville Salt Flats. It has to be a two hour drive from the airport to anywhere in Colorado worth visiting. Not that we had to go anywhere there, I'm just sayin'...

For some reason that I'm still trying to figure out, I picked the same seat for the flight from Denver to Houston. Never again.

By the time we landed at Hobby Airport, I had a cramp in my ribcage (ever had one of those? Avoid it if at all possible) from squeezing and twisting my frame away from the wall. I was already not looking forward to flying home.

The good news was that it was pretty clear most of the way, and even with my lousy eyes, I got to see some pretty cool geography. Thanks to the cramped conditions and the newness of flying again (it has been about ten years since I flew anywhere), I left my camera in my bag and didn't get any pictures.

Houston was flat and cool and much less humid than I expected. I could learn to dig Houston in February. May through September would probably kill me, but February is very nice. The Boss was thankful she had worn a jacket.

We got our luggage and then due to the size of our group we had to wait for about forty minutes to get on the hotel shuttle. It was worth it though when the driver got out and looked like he could have been Ossie Davis's twin (Another Joe Vs Volcano reference). I wanted to tell him I was shopping for clothes or better yet, that we were "off to the Pierre" but I am one hundred percent certain he would have had no idea what I was talking about. Oh well. I thought it was a good omen anyway.

We got to our hotel and found that they had lost our reservations. Something to do with them not completing a name change the way our travel agent had requested. All they had left was a room with twin beds and a "spectacular" view of the airport runway. I suppose it was better than sleeping in a broom closet but for a hotel chain with such a hoity-toity reputation, I was expecting a LOT more.

I won't name names, but we'll say that if and when a certain famous (notorious?) daughter of the founder takes over, I imagine things will get a lot worse. The shower wasn't working quite right, the shower curtains were too short to keep water from flooding the bathroom floor, and from the tile damage it had been that way for a while. The TV was a high def flat screen, but it looked like someone had let their cat use it as a scratching post. Had we been spending our vacation there...we wouldn't have. Motel 6 can and does do better. But it was free so I mostly kept my mouth shut. Thank heaven that this is the only complaining I have to do about the whole week. One night in a mediocre hotel room is far from the worst thing that's happened to us in the last few years.

That night, we had a buffet style kick off dinner with the obligatory open bar. In retrospect I have to ask, is drinking the only form of fun "adults" are looking for while on vacation? No wonder people think you can't get a drink in Utah.

There was plenty of Coke and Sprite for us teetotalers and more than plenty of food. There was a Tex-Mex version of a Cesar salad that had the spiciest dressing I've ever tasted. The Boss and I had a fun time watching as unsuspecting people would sit down, try a bite of salad, chew for a moment and then have flames shoot out their ears. It happened over and over again. Very funny.

There were chicken enchiladas, rice, beans, and both steak and chicken fajita fixin's. None of it was even close to as spicey as the salad dressing. Cake and cookies rounded out the menu.

After dinner, they had a quick run through of what would be happening in the morning, when to be ready to board the bus, and what we'd need to do to get on the boat. Then they went around the room and had each winner introduce themselves, where they were from and tell their most funny/ memorable McDonald's moment.

The Boss scored some of the best laughs of the night when she told the group about how we met at McD's sixteen years ago when she was a swing manager and I joined as crew fresh off my mission. Now we were married, had five kids, and she was still the Boss (everyone laughed, but no one found this funnier than me). We also got big cheers when it was discovered that this was our first trip without kids since Haggis was born almost thirteen years ago. More than one person thought that this made us more deserving to go than the Boss's sales success.

We had to be in the hotel lobby and ready to leave by 10:30 and knowing we'd want breakfast (for which we had free coupons or as Texans call 'em... "cup'ns") we decided to turn in early and in spite of the lullaby of landing aircraft, we were asleep by 10 P.M.