Having not had satellite TV for the past several five ring circuses (circi?), I have missed the ratings juggernaut that is Curling.
I am hooked.
And I'm not sure why. I have NO IDEA what the announcers are talking about. The words they speak are English (at least I think so), but the structure and placement of the words make it impossible to understand what the heck they are talking about.
The only sentence that I have been able to understand is, "They need to use a lot of weight to zoom the hammer down there and smash the opponents stones out of the house."
Even if that doesn't mean what I think it does, any sport in which you get to throw a hammer at your opponents stones is a sport worth investigating! Especially if you are an unemployed bum with nothing better to do.
Now during my foray into the odd world of curling yesterday, I have made the following conclusions.
First:
The US men's team is lousy. I didn't need to get the scoring system to know that if every time you slide a stone into the bull's eye, and the opponent replaces it with two of their own, you're loosing. Not to mention they have miked the participants up so we can hear their mid-game conversations and the US captain spent most of yesterday using words that would make Vince and Jerry blush. Not a good sign.
Second:
I don't know who does the wardrobe for the Norwegian Men's team, but I want to buy my next suit from them. Red, white, and blue argyle pants that are as loud and obnoxious as me. I did not know that I had a fabric equivalent, but yesterday I saw it on TV. Two different pairs even. They have replaced Rodney Dangerfield's "Caddyshack" wardrobe as the clothes I'd most like to wear to one of my daughters weddings. If you haven't seen the Norwegian team's pants yet, you should google it. It is worth the time. The mysteries of the universe may well be hidden in those diamond patterns!
Third:
I recognize that my readership is comprised mainly of housewives and at the risk of offending many of you I would appreciate a paragraph or two to go into misogynistic Man Card Mode. I apologize in advance but if you ask your husbands to do some research, they will agree with me on this one.
Most, if not all, women curlers are pretty dang good looking. The US team is all cute. Best of all, curlers are built like real live women, not those scrawny skin and bone Hollywood types. Plus there's not a hatchet face in the bunch.
And the Japanese team? Let's just say the Irish bobsled team now has some competition.
Now you know me. I belong only to the Boss. And I respect the athletic prowess of the female athletes. And I'm not saying there should be a competition at the games based on looks. But if there was, I'd like to volunteer my services as a judge.
It would give new meaning to the idea that something won "in a double blind test".
Well, Motor just got here so he, Reaggers and Peff are about to make a batch of macaroni and cheese for baking day.
Enjoy the Five Ring Circus!!
I watched the US/Japans women's match. Beckett is in love with curling. "We're red. Go red. Watch out it's coming! We gonna score de goal!" Also he calls it hockey. I am going to spend the rest of my life trying to make him think it is actually hockey. PS Here's some more fun "english" curling words, the "biter" and someone has the role of "skip" but all I saw was sliding.
ReplyDeleteThe Norwegian Men's uniforms are great. I agree with your assessment of the Irish bobsled and Japanese and US curling teams. I watch curling but do not understand it.
ReplyDeleteHey just in case the commentry over there did not mention it, curling is a sport invented in Scotland and the British team is made up of Scots. And it is actually a sport (ok the only sport) we are good at, gold medalist 4 years ago with the womens team! I thought this bit of history may explain the difficulty in understanding the words. I am happy to translate :)
ReplyDeleteOk, I admit it. I do believe that I somewhat understand curling and I really love to watch it. For me it is like watching a son or grandson wrestle. I lean, I yell, I twist, I turn. Mostly, I know that if people in my home would scrub my floor with the same tenacity that the sweepers do, I would have gleaming floors all the time. My only regret is that they show curling mostly during the day so it is a TiVo thing for me. That does, however, allow me to skip a commercial here and there and I really like that part! Thanks Traci for being our Curling historian. It is wonderful to read your comments and have you share your insights! Keep them coming.
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