And If They Lose...

I have always loved my sports. Many of my childhood memories involve my whole family participating in or watching some sport or another. One of my favorites was when my Dad taught me what it means to be a real fan.

I was in high school and the Jazz were getting run out of the gym by an undermanned, mediocre Golden State team in the first round of the playoffs. In spite of the first or second best record in the league, the Jazz were about to flame out early, yet again.

"I can't stand it anymore", I told Dad right before the last game. "These guys are killing me. I've finally reached the point where if they win; great. If they lose, whatever."

Dad looked at me kind of like I was one of the neighbor's dogs that had just desecrated his lawn.

"I'm kind of the same way" Dad said. "If they win; great. And if they lose I'm gonna be madder than hell."

I instantly felt like a betrayer. A blasphemer. It was around then that I realized that true fans never give up on a team. If I'd given up on the Jazz, that shot that Stock dropped over Chuck Barkley would not be the sweet moment of victory that it is. If I'd quit cheering for the Broncos when Craig Morton was throwing every second pass to the guys in different colored shirts, Elway's dive into the end zone wouldn't be one of the coolest plays ever. And if I'd stopped watching BYU when Gary Crowton was single handed destroying thirty years of powerhouse domination, then Harline would not still be open, fourth and eighteen would be just another punting down, and seeing Andrew George split the middle wouldn't make me laugh every time I see the replay.

You can't give up when it gets ugly. You just can't.

Take the Cubbies. they've blown a half dozen games in the bottom of the eighth inning this year, their bully has been mistaken for solid rocket fuel, and Loopynella doesn't know a foul ball from his elbow. But the day they win the world series will be one of the best feelings ever. Even Cardinal fans will feel it that day. I know it. You can't give up.

Which brings me to the Utah Jazz.

What the crap was that all about? You win last night, you get home court advantage in the first and maybe second rounds. You've swept the season series with two of the three teams on your side of the bracket and you would be highly favored against the third. All you have to do is beat the Suns in your own house.

You lose, and you won't see home court advantage in any series, you start against a team that has pretty much owned you, and IF you beat them, you get the right to be blown out of the sky by the hated, despised, scumbag Lakers.

Naturally the Jazz get popped by twenty.

About halftime, my brother T and I began to exchange text messages.

"These guys suck OUT LOUD!" I said. "I can hear the smell from here."

"Why isn't Steve Nash crumpled in a heap somewhere in the third or fourth row?" T replied. "Is anybody gonna put a body on that guy?"

"And where the crap is Korver?" I wondered.

"What the H is a 'Korver'?" asked T. "I think he got left in Oakland the other night."

"I hope he doesn't fall off a pier there. He would not be able to hit the water."

Yeah, it was that bad. Meanwhile Boozer was where he usually is when he might be called upon to earn his pay. Hiding behind the bench in street clothes. With Andre "Don't turn up the air conditioning, I might blow away and get hurt again" Kirilenko sitting right next to him.

Just for curiosity sake, who knew that Kirilenko even had a calf muscle? How can you strain an imaginary object?

Sometime in the second quarter, the Boss noticed I was getting more than a little agitated. Cementing her greatness and insuring that she has a perfectly chiseled bust for the wife-hall-of-fame, she put the kids in bed and went to watch her shows in the bedroom.

****Editor's Note
Hehehe...Perfect bust for the hall of fame...hehehe. It has two meanings, and both are applicable...giggle, giggle. There's really only three words to say here.

BEST.

PUN.

EVER!!!!
****

The game was as bad as a root canal. But I watched the whole thing anyway. All by myself in a dark, lonely room. I'm lucky I didn't break my neck tripping on a chair again.

It's just like Dad says. If the Jazz win; great. If they lose...